Favorite student emails

[apl68]

I get the impression from reading these threads that there are a lot of people trying to scam financial aid by borrowing money and signing up for classes that they have no intention of actually attending.  If the general public heard some of these stories, there'd be even more opposition to student loan forgiveness than there is.

[downer]

I get the impression from reading these threads that there are a lot of people trying to scam financial aid by borrowing money and signing up for classes that they have no intention of actually attending.  If the general public heard some of these stories, there'd be even more opposition to student loan forgiveness than there is.

I wonder to what extent colleges are reluctant to alert the authorities (whoever they are) about these cases because it is not in their financial interest to do so.

[bio-nonymous]

I get the impression from reading these threads that there are a lot of people trying to scam financial aid by borrowing money and signing up for classes that they have no intention of actually attending.  If the general public heard some of these stories, there'd be even more opposition to student loan forgiveness than there is.

I wonder to what extent colleges are reluctant to alert the authorities (whoever they are) about these cases because it is not in their financial interest to do so.

It's the same scam from the university side as admitting under-prepared students who flunk out or quit after a few years of giving the schools their financial aid money tuition. Our place seems to only care about undergraduate enrollment numbers--with little emphasis being placed right now on graduation rates or on our professional/graduate schools. I think the majority of state appropriations are based on undergrad enrollment so it figures. Sadly it appears that as long as they enroll and provide tuition dollars who cares?

[the_geneticist]

Got this one today:

Missing Assignments

Hey Dr. [Geneticist], good afternoon

I wanted to reach out to you because I was panicking about the first few missing assignments that I did not receive any credit. I enrolled in this laboratory a bit late because I was unsure as to whether I needed to retake it or not, and after talking with my counselor I did need to retake this class and therefore missed the first week of this lab. I was wondering if I would still be penalized for those missing assignments in the first week. I sincerely want to try my best to pass this class and I am concerned that I am already disadvantaged.
Thank you,
[stu who doesn't check email]

Yes, stu.  I emailed you a week ago with instructions on how to make up for the missing assignments. 
You never attempted the re-opened-just-for-you quiz.
You didn't complete the online [baskets] tutorial.
And you didn't even start the online makeup assignment.

Yes you are still "penalized".  You had an extension already & ignored it.  Those 0s are yours, you have earned them.

PS It's Week 3

[Puget]

Got an otherwise totally reasonable email from a student that ended with "Feel free to modify this email before sending". It took me several puzzled beats before I realized the student must have asked AI to draft the email, then copied it all over including that line!

It's not like a really care -- it's email, not a paper, and could actually be a useful tool in teaching them to write a professional sounding email if they actually learn instead of just copy, but it was pretty funny (and they should learn to proof read).

[the_geneticist]

Students have had a month to bring in their choice of [basketweaving supplies] & earn extra credit.  Deadline was today at noon. Tomorrow's lab is to use them to [weave baskets].  They don't have to bring their own, but it makes the [baskets] more interesting & students feel more ownership.  But you have to bring it in advance so I can enter it into the [basket supplies] list & do all the magical behind-the-scenes logistics & organization.

Got this one late today:
 

Hi [wrong name] this is [stu] I couldn't make it to the school today to drop my [supplies] in the lab because today is the moving out date for me and my family l. We have been moving out our stuff from our house to the new house in [other town] do you mind if I can bring it tomorrow?

Best regards,
[moving stu]

Stu, that means you not only missed the deadline, you also skipped your [baskets 101] and [clay pots 102] lectures.  Prioritize better!

[the_geneticist]

Sorry to double-post, but it's been a few weeks & this is from a different student.

Hello Instructor [Geneticist],

I am an upcoming sophomore student that is for now registered for instructor [person's] 4:00 - 4:50 pm class. I'm an upcoming student for your discussion and lab for [freshman baskets] this upcoming fall quarter. This email is meant to ask what the schedule might look like for your lectures as a recent event has occurred that may potentially affect my ability to arrive to lectures on time specifically on Fridays and I was curious if you have things like quizzes, midterms, or finals held on fridays that I need to attend and if it would be possible to reschedules those to different times. Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day.
[Hopeful that Fridays are optional] stu

They spelled my name correctly, the email is polite, and they are asking well in advance.

But the "Will skipping class mean I miss anything important?" + "Please reschedule your exams/quizzes/final to not be on Fridays (I assume just for them? or maybe the entire class?)" + you are a SOPHOMORE = you are a doofus

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Sorry to double-post, but it's been a few weeks & this is from a different student.

Hello Instructor [Geneticist],

I am an upcoming sophomore student that is for now registered for instructor [person's] 4:00 - 4:50 pm class. I'm an upcoming student for your discussion and lab for [freshman baskets] this upcoming fall quarter. This email is meant to ask what the schedule might look like for your lectures as a recent event has occurred that may potentially affect my ability to arrive to lectures on time specifically on Fridays and I was curious if you have things like quizzes, midterms, or finals held on fridays that I need to attend and if it would be possible to reschedules those to different times. Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day.
[Hopeful that Fridays are optional] stu

They spelled my name correctly, the email is polite, and they are asking well in advance.

But the "Will skipping class mean I miss anything important?" + "Please reschedule your exams/quizzes/final to not be on Fridays (I assume just for them? or maybe the entire class?)" + you are a SOPHOMORE = you are a doofus

Total doofus!

[apl68]

A somewhat entitled-sounding doofus at that.

[kaysixteen]

Dear Doof,

I guess you cannot take my class, then.   Probably ought to also ask your advisor whether asking a professor to do something like this is a good idea.

Sincerely,
PROFESSOR Geneticist

[the_geneticist]

Ironically, I am NOT in charge of the lectures for this class, just the labs.

I really hope they don't say "hi [instructor person's first name]" in their email to the Tenured, Department Chair & Program Director who is teaching the lecture.  She will eat Doofus Stu alive.

[the_geneticist]

It's been a few weeks so I think it's OK to post another one.

It's the last week of Summer classes.  TA got an email from stu about an assignment that was due 4 weeks ago.

Hello!
I hope everything is well with you. The reason for this email is because for the assignment in the subject line - [submit your online assignment] - I submitted the wrong document and received a 0/6 rightfully so, but as soon as I saw it I uploaded the correct document with proof that I had it completed before the due date. I understand the fault is my own but a 0/6 hurts my grade a decent amount, and especially for an assignment that I had done, I just wanted to know if there is any way to receive any partial credit at all? If not I understand, I just thought it wouldn't hurt to ask. Regardless, thank you for a great quarter!

Their TA is a bit too nice, but I'm glad they asked me before responding:

Should I go ahead and check this to see if there actually is evidence that he had it done? I do remember it seeming like a mistake because he uploaded the instructions for the upload instead of the imagw itself.

So, to recap:
stu missed the due date
I sent all students with missing assignments a reminder email that we do accept late work
stu uploaded a picture of the assignment instructions, not the actual assignment
stu earned a 0
3 days later, stu uploaded the correct file & was graded (by me) & earned partial credit

I told the TA that we can only grade what they submitted when they submitted it.  I'm not getting in a debate about whether they can show they had finished on time & just forgot.  We accept late work with a small penalty and will always give comments & feedback.

[Puget]

I'm currently serving as undergrad advising head for one of my programs, and getting many favorite emails, but this one hit just about every no-no there is (it was a fresh peep so I was gentle in my reeducation). 
Paraphrasing here -

Hi [Firstname]
I need to declare the major - how do I do that?** I need it for a scholarship that is due on the 9/30 so please respond immediately. I am available to meet with you all weekend.

 ** All the information they needed is in the section of the program website helpfully labeled "how to declare the major".

Other recent favorites include a student who emailed saying that they "urgently needed" to get off the waitlist for two advanced seminars in order to complete the major, and could I intervene with the professors since she had emailed them but they weren't responding?  I look the student up and she is in fact a junior not a senior, and has not taken a bunch of the other courses she need to take for the major yet, which are open. Nice dice buttercup.

[apl68]

I'm currently serving as undergrad advising head for one of my programs, and getting many favorite emails, but this one hit just about every no-no there is (it was a fresh peep so I was gentle in my reeducation). 
Paraphrasing here -

Hi [Firstname]
I need to declare the major - how do I do that?** I need it for a scholarship that is due on the 9/30 so please respond immediately. I am available to meet with you all weekend.

 ** All the information they needed is in the section of the program website helpfully labeled "how to declare the major".

It seems like there's not a lot of self-starting out there.  Students (and newly-hired workers) can have good instructions available, but they're often still so afraid to try to proceed without somebody holding their hands.

[the_geneticist]

I'm currently serving as undergrad advising head for one of my programs, and getting many favorite emails, but this one hit just about every no-no there is (it was a fresh peep so I was gentle in my reeducation). 
Paraphrasing here -

Hi [Firstname]
I need to declare the major - how do I do that?** I need it for a scholarship that is due on the 9/30 so please respond immediately. I am available to meet with you all weekend.

 ** All the information they needed is in the section of the program website helpfully labeled "how to declare the major".

Other recent favorites include a student who emailed saying that they "urgently needed" to get off the waitlist for two advanced seminars in order to complete the major, and could I intervene with the professors since she had emailed them but they weren't responding?  I look the student up and she is in fact a junior not a senior, and has not taken a bunch of the other courses she need to take for the major yet, which are open. Nice dice buttercup.

"I am available to meet with you all weekend." 
Oh boy
I have a colleague that includes an assignment on how to email an instructor.  Every single time, he has to explain that we are not available 24/7, it's reasonable to wait 24 hours before expecting a reply, etc.