Favorite student emails

[the_geneticist]

We have a student this semester who tried to use their extra time on test accommodation to get double time on all lab exercises. We think this is partly because this is the first semester in 18 months with in person labs again.  All the students are moving more slowly and having issues getting things done in the allotted time. But no way are we turning a 4 hour weekly lab into an 8 hour weekly lab!

I'd say NO to being in lab longer - that is not reasonable.  Just like you couldn't just make your discussion/lecture meeting twice as long to give one student more time to think/write/whatever.  Logistically, I couldn't allow anyone to stay longer in labs since there is another class coming in.  Plus, fire code capacity. 
I'd be flexible with, say, giving them more time out of class to write up their report.

[FishProf]

Stop emailing me and asking if you can setup a meeting with me. 

READ.THE.SYLLABUS.  It explains in detail how to do this.

Or, read the announcements, where I copied the Syllabus info for you.

[arcturus]

Entirety of the email: "how did i get a [extremely low grade] on the last assignment? i did everything correctly"

Well, first, you did not even spell your own name correctly...

[the_geneticist]

Can I get permission to bonk this student on the head with something?

I saw the announcement on [LMS] but I just want to double check to make sure I am correct, the [basketweaving lab] on thursday is not happening tomorrow, September 23? It is happening next week for the first time, on September 30 correct? Clarification on this would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
Really Nervous Student

Fantasy reply:
Dear Really Nervous Student,
Congratulations!  You have broken the super-secret code.  Yes, even though the announcement, syllabus, and a sign on the physical lab door all say "labs start the week of September 27-30 2021", your lab section is so super duper extra special that you have to meet tomorrow for the hidden bonus lab.

Calm down & trust the information you have.

[kiana]

This semester we had a student who interpreted the accommodation for extra time on tests to mean that they had extra time on every assignment. That was a fun email, we had to get the student accessibility services coordinator in on it before the student relented.

Yeah, I had one of those too.

For the autograded homework I really don't care, if you are behind at test time it's your funeral.

But for the hand-graded stuff where I post solution keys, NO, you do not get to turn in work after I post the key.

[Puget]

Can I get permission to bonk this student on the head with something?

I saw the announcement on [LMS] but I just want to double check to make sure I am correct, the [basketweaving lab] on thursday is not happening tomorrow, September 23? It is happening next week for the first time, on September 30 correct? Clarification on this would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
Really Nervous Student

Fantasy reply:
Dear Really Nervous Student,
Congratulations!  You have broken the super-secret code.  Yes, even though the announcement, syllabus, and a sign on the physical lab door all say "labs start the week of September 27-30 2021", your lab section is so super duper extra special that you have to meet tomorrow for the hidden bonus lab.

Calm down & trust the information you have.

Permission granted. I get so many of these "just double checking" emails and it drives me nuts too!

[mahagonny]

Not to make light of a student feeling poorly (I believe she's doing better today, fortunately!)
but:

"Hello Professor Mahagonny,

I woke up with a sore throat congestion and a headache. I'm not quite sure if it's covid or just a cold (although my roommate was having similar symptoms). Forgive me but I think it's in my best interest to stay back and rest. Thank you for understanding.

Sincerely,
[name]

Subject line: Exuded Abscesses

[apl68]

Not to make light of a student feeling poorly (I believe she's doing better today, fortunately!)
but:

"Hello Professor Mahagonny,

I woke up with a sore throat congestion and a headache. I'm not quite sure if it's covid or just a cold (although my roommate was having similar symptoms). Forgive me but I think it's in my best interest to stay back and rest. Thank you for understanding.

Sincerely,
[name]

Subject line: Exuded Abscesses

Well...some students do seem to exude absence, even when technically present.

[bio-nonymous]

10% of the class has some kind of disability accommodation - typically more time on exams, quiet testing place etc.

For some people, real life is going to be a serious kick in the balls.

No for real life, some peoples' contributions, which they would have been unable to make otherwise, in a few years, will be much appreciated.

M.

You and I live in different worlds with different expectations.

I teach in 2 health fields.  The pace of practice is brutally quick.  The environment can be chaotic.  "I need more time and a quiet place to do my work" is NOT going to cut it when the patient is seizing or the phone is ringing off the hook with people wanting to know if they qualify for a 3rd covid shot or worried about the last disaster Dr Facebook warned them about.  I bet your graduates actually have time to eat lunch and pee in their workplaces.  Mine often don't.

I also teach graduate medical professionals, and we have some students with accommodations every year. I wonder, with complete honesty and sadness, whether this is actually a good idea? If you have ADD and dyslexia, writing prescriptions and figuring out dosages in a fast-paced environment might be dangerous for your patients. You do not get a quiet space and time and a half to figure things out during a shift at the emergency room... I hesitate to say this, but maybe all careers are not for everyone? If you do not have natural 20/20 vision you cannot be a fighter pilot, for example. Many jobs will not hire you if you cannot remain on your feet for 8 hours, or cannot easily lift 50 pounds, etc., etc.

[downer]

Isn't most prescription done over the computer these days?

[mamselle]

One of the nurses on a floor I worked on had dyslexia. She was the most careful in figuring dosages (especially titrations, which are a bear), and had one of the highest medication accuracy ratings. She was also a calm, thoughtful person who took her work seriously and her colleagues and patients kindly.

N=1, of course, but it would have been a loss to patient care if she'd somehow been blocked from nursing because of her condition.

M.

[apl68]

One of the nurses on a floor I worked on had dyslexia. She was the most careful in figuring dosages (especially titrations, which are a bear), and had one of the highest medication accuracy ratings. She was also a calm, thoughtful person who took her work seriously and her colleagues and patients kindly.

N=1, of course, but it would have been a loss to patient care if she'd somehow been blocked from nursing because of her condition.

M.

I wonder whether her condition was serious enough that she needed accommodations for it in school, though?  Having to mindfully work on correcting one's own shortcomings, rather than having them accommodated, is sometimes helpful in overcoming them.  If they're not too severe, of course.  If they are, then artem may be right that some people aren't cut out for some careers. 

It's hard to make one-size-fits-all recommendations in situations like this.  Obviously the nurse mamselle is talking about found the right support to get past her particular difficulty.  But if somebody going out for a medical field can't thrive in class without the need for accommodations that are going to prove unfeasible in professional life, then that's not a good sign for that person's chances.

[PTonTT]

In our medically related program, we accomodate in the classroom but not in the clinical setting.  So if the disability really prevented the student from being successful professionally, we would know.  They need to pass the clinical portion of the program to graduate. 

[Caracal]

In our medically related program, we accomodate in the classroom but not in the clinical setting.  So if the disability really prevented the student from being successful professionally, we would know.  They need to pass the clinical portion of the program to graduate.

That seems like the right distinction. Tests and exams are artificial by their nature. I'm never required to sit down, look at an essay question and write something in fifty minutes. Obviously, I have deadlines of various sorts, but none of them resemble an exam.

I'm sure there are lots of medical professionals with ADD who are quite successful. Just because someone takes longer to finish an exam doesn't mean they are going to struggle to deal with a fast paced and stressful job. In a lot of cases, it may be exactly the opposite. ADD is often really a problem with dopamine regulation. When someone is in a quiet room trying to do an exam, they have trouble focusing, their attention wanders and it can take them longer to do something. If you put that same person in an emergency room, the dopamine levels go up and they may be quite good at quickly responding to various situations as they come up.

I never got any accommodations in school, but I'm a slow writer. My essay exams were usually pretty short and I always took all the time I had and still struggled to finish. I still got good grades on exams and it wasn't really an issue, but it was definitely a symptom of having ADHD. Put me in front of a professional seminar or a classroom, however, and I don't have any problems thinking on my feet.

[Langue_doc]

Not an email, but one of the responses to a reflection survey.
"I do not think you are judgmental at all!!!"