Favorite student emails

[Puget]

Hi Mr. [first name]
I can't find the study guide.  I've looked everywhere!  What do I do?
[find at finding things student]

It's on the LMS.  It's posted in the module for the week you have the exam.  It's also posted as a link in the Announcements page.  It's even attached to the email that was sent to you with said Announcement.

Also, your exam is TODAY.  "Better late than never" may not apply to studying for a Final Exam.

I suspect there is a very strong correlation between not being able to find the study guide and not looking for it until the day of the exam.

Let's write an IRB and get a silly publication about the correlation between if/when a student downloads study materials and their grade.

I have strong pilot data for this. . .

[OneMoreYear]

PITA grad student email at 3:30pm Friday: I am struggling with [written assignment]. Can we meet this weekend for you to look at what I've written so far?

Dr. OMY response so far :  . . . . . 

I cannot compose an email that would not get me fired at this point because they are the only student who makes requests like this, and I am just so tired of dealing with them.

[waterboy]

Suddenly "Monday, Monday..." is running through my head.

[EdnaMode]

[sent via Canvas inbox]

Hey Dr. Mode, this is Stu. Are we having lecture today or just lab?

Stu was already in Canvas, if they had clicked just one more link, the one labeled "Lecture - Week 15" then they would have noticed that yes, we do indeed have lecture today. Heck, they didn't even need to click the link to see that there was an actual lecture this week, just the fact that a "Lecture - Week 15" page existed should have been a clue. Ugh. I did reply that yes, there was lecture today, and the topic was posted on Canvas. I'm SO tired. Three more days of class. That's all I need to get through, three more days. I'm choosing to ignore finals week for the moment.

[onehappyunicorn]

Last week student emails with no introduction or greeting:

"I am going to work from home had a hard time focusing last time in class."

I just replied that they should make sure they are aware of the attendance policy as per the syllabus. Yesterday the student sent the same email right before class, I just ignored it.

[sinenomine]

Students in one of my classes do oral presentations the last two class meetings of the semester; this is laid out on the syllabus, discussed many times in class, and they sign up for the days they'll present. Three missed their presentation slots this morning. One emailed after I posted the zero in the gradebook to say she thought her presentation was a week from now. I pointed out in my reply that classes are over by then. I suspect she's claiming calendar confusion in a vain attempt to cover her misstep. Won't work, alas.

[Anon1787]

I have received a flurry of email messages from students asking about selecting a topic for their term paper 2 days before the paper is due. Not coincidentally, this class isn't performing very well.

[the_geneticist]

This week's episode of "Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes!" brought to you by Stu who skipped the Final Exam.

Stu didn't take the Final Exam.  I emailed to say "contact me ASAP", expecting them to say they were sick/car crash/dropping the class/ANYTHING reasonable.
Nope.
Stu told me they CHOSE to not take the Final Exam so they could study for their other classes.  And they would like to take a make-up exam.
The Final Exam was online, open-note, and available to start any time they wanted during a 20 hour window.

If Stu had asked/told me before hand, I would have said no.  If Stu had an emergency, I would have allowed a make-up with documentation.

Congratulations Stu, you've learned the hard way that choices have consequences.  They will still pass, but there is no way they are earning an A.

[Parasaurolophus]

Well, there we are:

Hi Parasaurolophus ,
Hope your doing well,
My name is Stu Dent and my student number is #. I took Phil 101- 02 course with you and I can see it's total 68 but if I count myself it's more than 75 . Please recheack my total .
Thank You

Hi Stu,

(10*.1)+(55*.3)+(90*.2)+(75*.2)+(86.67*.2) = 67.83

Take care,
-Parasaurolophus

I still didn't understand the calculations but I appreciate your reply . Thank You .

[EdnaMode]

This from a student who wants a higher grade on his final project... I'd emailed him after he said his grade was 'wrong' because he worked hard on the project, and told him to look at the rubric on Canvas and he could see exactly what he missed, along with comments explaining the errors. It's a very similar rubric to the one I use for almost all classwork and homework.

"ma'am I seen this rubric multiple times. I don't agree with that is what im saying. What I was saying is Id personally want a more broken down grade of it because I do not agree with it. I want to see broken down point for point because it is that serious to me. As in I got less than 50 percent when I submitted and put hours in and find no possibility that even if I made multiple errors id get less than a 50 percents on a final grading for the course. Dr. [our associate dean who gets to deal with this stuff] mentioned to me I needed to speak with you before I put the appeal in so i figured id at least plead what I meant to you before I went through with it. I strongly dont agree with my grade and regardless if im somehow wrong im still going to go through with the process because I dont agree and it's already unfair for me. Its nothing against anyone or anything in specific."

I told him he was free to pursue the grade appeal and even told him how to do it. I'll make sure if he does pursue it to include the information that during lab time to work on the final project, he typically arrived 10-20 minutes late and left 20-30 minutes early in the 4 two-hour labs that were devoted to working on the project. And I have examples of what his project should have looked like when completed (the same examples I showed in class), and will point out where every single one of his errors was, just like is noted on the oh so unfair rubric. I also invited him to stop by my office and we could go through the rubric one item at a time, but he hasn't taken me up on that opportunity. What I wanted to do was ask him if he was sure he wanted to expose his basic incompetence, failure to follow instructions, and generally p*ss poor attitude to everyone on the appeals committee, but I guess he does.

[apl68]

Well...maybe it will be a learning experience.  Sometimes people insist on learning stuff the hard way.

[OneMoreYear]

Dear (multiple) students,
Stop ending your emails with "thank you for your understanding." You are assuming facts not in evidence.

[apl68]

I have received a flurry of email messages from students asking about selecting a topic for their term paper 2 days before the paper is due. Not coincidentally, this class isn't performing very well.

And last night I once again had my perennial nightmare about it being most of the way through the semester, and suddenly remembering that I was enrolled in classes, and struggling to remember what they were and what I was supposed to be doing in them. 

You don't suppose some of these students are psychics who are pushing their justified anxiety over pulling stuff like that off onto innocent people, so they themselves can sleep better?  It might explain some things....

[the_geneticist]

Dear (multiple) students,
Stop ending your emails with "thank you for your understanding." You are assuming facts not in evidence.

So much of this here too! 
"I won't be in class in week 1, but I'll make it up in week 2."

No, actually you can't. You can be absent, but that means you have earned a 0 on the missed assignments.

[Caracal]

I have received a flurry of email messages from students asking about selecting a topic for their term paper 2 days before the paper is due. Not coincidentally, this class isn't performing very well.

And last night I once again had my perennial nightmare about it being most of the way through the semester, and suddenly remembering that I was enrolled in classes, and struggling to remember what they were and what I was supposed to be doing in them. 

You don't suppose some of these students are psychics who are pushing their justified anxiety over pulling stuff like that off onto innocent people, so they themselves can sleep better?  It might explain some things....

Same with the students who just think the final is on the wrong day and miss it. It really isn't a mistake a student paying attention should make, but since it is an actual nightmare of mine I always end up letting them take the exam.