Favorite student emails

[ergative]

THis is an actual favorite, I think.

Dear Ergative,

Thank you so much for the admission to your course!

I was wondering if there is room for more people 😅. I have 3 friends who are very eager to join it. If not, then I totally understand.

thank you for everything.

I should emphasize that this is a quantitative course taught in a very humanities oriented discipline. It is not a prerequisite for anything. It is never overfull. No one needs it to satisfy any requirement. Usually it struggles to recruit from a student population who typically look at a square root and run the other way screaming. It may start the semester with 10-15 students and end with 8 who stuck it out. This semester I have 19 registered and doubt whether I'll keep more than 12 or so. Having THREE people request to join based on word of mouth is, frankly, unheard of.

I'm actually a little perplexed, but, hey, if those three people attend only one lecture and learn nothing more than the existence of a spurious correlation or confounding variable, the world is a little bit smarter.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

THis is an actual favorite, I think.

Dear Ergative,

Thank you so much for the admission to your course!

I was wondering if there is room for more people 😅. I have 3 friends who are very eager to join it. If not, then I totally understand.

thank you for everything.

I should emphasize that this is a quantitative course taught in a very humanities oriented discipline. It is not a prerequisite for anything. It is never overfull. No one needs it to satisfy any requirement. Usually it struggles to recruit from a student population who typically look at a square root and run the other way screaming. It may start the semester with 10-15 students and end with 8 who stuck it out. This semester I have 19 registered and doubt whether I'll keep more than 12 or so. Having THREE people request to join based on word of mouth is, frankly, unheard of.

I'm actually a little perplexed, but, hey, if those three people attend only one lecture and learn nothing more than the existence of a spurious correlation or confounding variable, the world is a little bit smarter.

Maybe they have access to your old tests?

[the_geneticist]

Take it as a win!

Maybe they all need the credits and are happy to have a friend in the class.  At least one of them will be really engaged too.


My grumble:

The class is full.  I emailed everyone on the waitlist to say "this class is full. In the [very unlikely] event that someone drops, the Registrar will email the first waitlist student.  You can also register for [equivalent course]"

Stop emailing to ask if you can have a seat.  I cannot add you*.  Find another class.

*so glad I don't have the ability/access/authority to add or drop.  Waitlists are automatically handled and we have enrollment specialists to handle the rare, complicated situations.

[ergative]

THis is an actual favorite, I think.

Dear Ergative,

Thank you so much for the admission to your course!

I was wondering if there is room for more people 😅. I have 3 friends who are very eager to join it. If not, then I totally understand.

thank you for everything.

I should emphasize that this is a quantitative course taught in a very humanities oriented discipline. It is not a prerequisite for anything. It is never overfull. No one needs it to satisfy any requirement. Usually it struggles to recruit from a student population who typically look at a square root and run the other way screaming. It may start the semester with 10-15 students and end with 8 who stuck it out. This semester I have 19 registered and doubt whether I'll keep more than 12 or so. Having THREE people request to join based on word of mouth is, frankly, unheard of.

I'm actually a little perplexed, but, hey, if those three people attend only one lecture and learn nothing more than the existence of a spurious correlation or confounding variable, the world is a little bit smarter.

Maybe they have access to your old tests?

Hah--actually my institution publishes all old tests through the library, so we have to write new ones each year. It's an enormous pain, but it does ensure that this isn't a problem.

Take it as a win!

Maybe they all need the credits and are happy to have a friend in the class.  At least one of them will be really engaged too.

Thank you, I shall!

[paultuttle]

Well, there we are:

Hi Parasaurolophus ,
Hope your doing well,
My name is Stu Dent and my student number is #. I took Phil 101- 02 course with you and I can see it's total 68 but if I count myself it's more than 75 . Please recheack my total .
Thank You

Hi Stu,

(10*.1)+(55*.3)+(90*.2)+(75*.2)+(86.67*.2) = 67.83

Take care,
-Parasaurolophus

I still didn't understand the calculations but I appreciate your reply . Thank You .

I very much hope this wasn't a math class.

/sardonic eyebrow back down

[Puget]

An actual favorite from a former student:

Happy New Year! I hope you're doing well. I saw on the [lab] website that there are a lot of exciting publications and theses happening. I am about halfway through my MSW/MPH at [fancy-pants university], while also doing part-time research assistant work about [important topic]. I have thought of my time doing Honors Thesis work with you many times, as the skills I gained helped me so much with my writing abilities and research courses and work. Thank you again for all that you taught me during that time - it has continued to be so valuable for me.

I keep a file of these types of emails to re-read when I need a boost. They make everything worth it.

[darkstarrynight]

An actual favorite from a former student:

Happy New Year! I hope you're doing well. I saw on the [lab] website that there are a lot of exciting publications and theses happening. I am about halfway through my MSW/MPH at [fancy-pants university], while also doing part-time research assistant work about [important topic]. I have thought of my time doing Honors Thesis work with you many times, as the skills I gained helped me so much with my writing abilities and research courses and work. Thank you again for all that you taught me during that time - it has continued to be so valuable for me.

I keep a file of these types of emails to re-read when I need a boost. They make everything worth it.

This is wonderful! Thanks for sharing and congrats to you on your amazing mentorship being recognized!

[the_geneticist]

Got two nearly identical emails:

I started feeling sick so I didnt want to risk going to class incase I had the flu or covid.

Both students were supposed to be in an 8:00am class today.  Both are saying they are happy to go to a section later today.

Amazing how they recovered so quickly.

[FishProf]

Got two nearly identical emails:

I started feeling sick so I didnt want to risk going to class incase I had the flu or covid.

Both students were supposed to be in an 8:00am class today.  Both are saying they are happy to go to a section later today.

Amazing how they recovered so quickly.

Tell them no.  "If you were too sick to come to class this morning, you are likely still contagious.  See the Health Service."

[the_geneticist]

Got two nearly identical emails:

I started feeling sick so I didnt want to risk going to class incase I had the flu or covid.

Both students were supposed to be in an 8:00am class today.  Both are saying they are happy to go to a section later today.

Amazing how they recovered so quickly.

Tell them no.  "If you were too sick to come to class this morning, you are likely still contagious.  See the Health Service."

That's exactly what I did.  "Show me a note that you are sick and cannot attend or you have earned a 0."

And I had a different student send me a doctor's note to say they were sick & couldn't come to class.  But the note was from LAST January. 
Really?  Did you think I wouldn't bother to look for your name & the date(s)?

Perhaps I should add "Dr. [Geneticist], who didn't fall off the turnip truck this morning" to my email line.

[Cheerful]

Student:  "The assignment directions say to do ABC but can I do XYZ instead?"

Answer?: "Sure, just do whatever, there is no purpose to the assignment as written."

[the_geneticist]

Student:  "The assignment directions say to do ABC but can I do XYZ instead?"

Answer?: "Sure, just do whatever, there is no purpose to the assignment as written."

I'm sending a lot of "read the instructions", "the schedule in the syllabus is correct", "the due dates are listed in the syllabus" emails.

And some of these are to Graduate students.

[FishProf]

I told the class IN PERSON and via the CMS websites that "I was copying a bunch of material from the previous semester and you should IGNORE all the announcements that pop up UNTIL I tell you the course shell is ready".

Less than 5-min later:  "I got a message that [assignment X] was due on 18Dec22.  Is that correct or is it a mistake on your part?"

Yes, sweetie, you missed an assignment that was due BEFORE this class started.  Buckle up.

[EdnaMode]

Student:  "The assignment directions say to do ABC but can I do XYZ instead?"

Answer?: "Sure, just do whatever, there is no purpose to the assignment as written."

I'm sending a lot of "read the instructions", "the schedule in the syllabus is correct", "the due dates are listed in the syllabus" emails.

And some of these are to Graduate students.

I see we all share the same students. I just received a "If I finished my lab and submitted results on Wednesday, do I have to come in today?" email, and it is posted on Canvas, and I announced on Wednesday, that if they finished, they did not have to come in today.

[darkstarrynight]

I have a simple assignment for completion credit on the LMS. It says to copy the statement, paste it into the submission text box, and type in name and date. This is to make sure the students put in writing that they reviewed the syllabus and agree to its policies. It was due yesterday. A student emailed me today:
I do not understand what to do. I printed the paper but since it is an online class, I do not know how to submit it to you.

What paper? Then I saw the student had written a similar question in the text box instead of just following directions. It took three emails back and forth for them to figure it out. This is a graduate student!