Favorite student emails

[mythbuster]

Kick to the advisor/ ombuds/ Dean of students. I'm always thrilled when I can do that, because it makes you look caring, but it's also no longer my problem!

[EdnaMode]

Hey Dr. Mode,

I am writing to you regarding the grade that I received on the final project. I am disappointed to have received a failing grade. I understand that I made a mistake by forgetting to include (some of the required parts), but I believe that this does not reflect the effort that I put into the project. I spent a lot of time researching, planning, and creating my project. I take full responsibility for the mistake I made.

Therefore, I respectfully request that you consider allowing me to resubmit my final project with the necessary additions. I believe that this will give me the opportunity to pass the course and avoid my future punishment which would be my financial aid being stripped from me and me most likely having to take semesters off because I can't afford the tuition. I am willing to work with you to ensure that the resubmission can be submitted minutes after your reply. I hope that we can work together to find a resolution that is fair and honest.

Sincerely,

Stu

Maybe I should have put this in the despair thread. But, here's the thing, Stu's work was not only incomplete, it was late, and he skipped the last two labs of the semester so I have no idea whether he even attempted the missing parts or not because he wasn't in the lab for me to see what he had finished. And by skipping he missed my constant reminders to double and triple-check their files before they upload, to back up their backup copies, to go through the rubric and make sure they have attempted everything on there. Stu gets less than zero sympathy from me, and attempting to pull my heartstrings with the, "I'm losing financial aid because of you," story never works. I'm still crafting my reply email but it will be along the lines of, "the grade you received was the grade you earned. Final grades have been turned in and you cannot resubmit your work for grading." I want to ask how 'fair and honest' it would be to allow him a chance to resubmit work when no one else is given that opportunity.

[the_geneticist]

Time for the classic "[Basketweaving 101] has ended.  Your course grade has been reported to the Registrar."

I know it feels so tempting to say "You are asking for something that is not fair or honest", but it's not worth replying to the particulars.  Don't let the student think that they can continue to negotiate.  If they email again, just send the same "Your course grade has been reported" reply.

I think the current cohort of students are shocked to learn that not all deadlines are flexible, standards for what counts as passing are not negotiable, and that you can't "revise and resubmit" once the class is over.

[EdnaMode]

Time for the classic "[Basketweaving 101] has ended.  Your course grade has been reported to the Registrar."

I know it feels so tempting to say "You are asking for something that is not fair or honest", but it's not worth replying to the particulars.  Don't let the student think that they can continue to negotiate.  If they email again, just send the same "Your course grade has been reported" reply.

I think the current cohort of students are shocked to learn that not all deadlines are flexible, standards for what counts as passing are not negotiable, and that you can't "revise and resubmit" once the class is over.

I kept it simple and said his grade was correct and had been submitted to the registrar. I try not to make it seem like negotiation is possible in cases like these. Time will tell if he replies with continued attempts to negotiate, or submits a grade appeal. Thankfully, I've only ever had two students start an appeal, and they were both stopped at the dept chair level, with different chairs. My classes and grading are really straightforward. As one of the chairs told me, nothing in your class should ever be a surprise to a student unless they're just not paying attention.

I do entertain fantasies though of asking students like this one to tell me why they are oh so extra special that they should get something no one else does, or else say that flexibility is for athletes and elastomers, not deadlines and grades.

[Caracal]

I do entertain fantasies though of asking students like this one to tell me why they are oh so extra special that they should get something no one else does, or else say that flexibility is for athletes and elastomers, not deadlines and grades.

I'm quite flexible on deadlines during the semester, at least with the high stakes assignments. But once the semester ends, the semester ends. The only time I've changed grades is if a student had some legitimate emergency at the end of the semester and was actually unable to contact me because of illness, or was understandably too focused on whatever bad thing happened to contact me.

[downer]

Student doesn't do one of the assignments, worth 10%.

Now the course is over, student emails asking how could they have got a C grade when they did fine on most assignments and only missed one.

That is the power of giving a 0 for work that you don't do! Math is so cruel!

[sinenomine]

One of the faculty in my department got an irate email from a student, who then looped me in as dean to share the angst. The student was appalled because she didn't get an A, thus ruining her 4.0 and any chances of a scholarship. The professor and Registrar then weighed in to point out that the student's final grade was entered as an A in the first place. Unnecessary drama all around!

[Istiblennius]

attempting to pull my heartstrings with the, "I'm losing financial aid because of you," story never works.

In over 15 years of advising, I've yet to see a case where a student is losing financial aid due to one class and not to a broader pattern of student behavior and performance.

[apl68]

attempting to pull my heartstrings with the, "I'm losing financial aid because of you," story never works.

In over 15 years of advising, I've yet to see a case where a student is losing financial aid due to one class and not to a broader pattern of student behavior and performance.

Right.  One straw won't break the camel's back if the camel isn't already cruelly overloaded.

[downer]

Student writes saying they didn't submit work all through the semester because of technical problems. Sounds like total bullshit to me.

i write back a curt reply explaining why I still won't accept their work at this stage. I add the magic phrase "This is my final word on the topic."

Student has not replied. I wonder whether it really worked.

[FishProf]

i write back a curt reply explaining why I still won't accept their work at this stage. I add the magic phrase "This is my final word on the topic."

I Have Spoken.

[downer]

i write back a curt reply explaining why I still won't accept their work at this stage. I add the magic phrase "This is my final word on the topic."

I Have Spoken.

Hah! This T shirt is looking very attractive right now.

[downer]

Student doesn't do one of the assignments, worth 10%.

Now the course is over, student emails asking how could they have got a C grade when they did fine on most assignments and only missed one.

That is the power of giving a 0 for work that you don't do! Math is so cruel!

Student writes back saying they still don't understand the grade. So far I have not been able to bring myself to reply. Wasn't there that line on the old fora, "I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."

[OneMoreYear]

Dear Student,
Thank you for your email. Seriously. Because now I have written evidence that you are a lying liar who lies.   
Dr. Year

[Caracal]

Student doesn't do one of the assignments, worth 10%.

Now the course is over, student emails asking how could they have got a C grade when they did fine on most assignments and only missed one.

That is the power of giving a 0 for work that you don't do! Math is so cruel!

Student writes back saying they still don't understand the grade. So far I have not been able to bring myself to reply. Wasn't there that line on the old fora, "I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."

I had a student a few semesters ago who couldn't understand why I had dropped a 100 they got for a quiz grade. I explained that I drop the two lowest quiz grades so the 100 gets dropped if there's nothing lower, but that, of course, this wasn't a problem and they had a 100 on the quizzes.

They just would not accept this explanation and were convinced this was somehow hurting their grade. I think I went through like 4 emails trying to explain this before they got their roommate to look at who convinced them that I was right...