Favorite student emails

[Chemystery]

Yesterday I got a polite email from a student who wanted to meet with me to ask some questions before next Tuesday's exam.  The student specifically asked if I had any time available on Thursday, Friday, or Monday.  I responded letting the student know I had 3-hour time block open on Friday and asking if the student could come meet with me then.  I received the following response:

"Dear Professor,

Unfortunately, I cannot meet at that time on Friday because I am in class.  My schedule on Friday is completely full, so I will not be able to meet on Friday.

--Student."

The entire exchange took only ten to fifteen minutes, so it is extremely unlikely that the student had open timeslots on Friday at the time of the first email that filled up before I responded. 

[0susanna]

"Dr. 0susanna'
...I am part of a group recognized as the [Program] Fellows. This group was recently invited to attend a video conference with [University President] on Thursday, October 31, at 9:30 a.m. Therefore, I will not be in class tomorrow. If we are released from the conference at a reasonable time before 10:50, I will join the class late. I am so sorry if this inconveniences you in any way!"

Dear Stu Dent in my class and [Program] Fellow, why would your absence inconvenience me? It may inconvenience your fellow students, and it is likely to inconvenience you, as you will miss whatever happens in class, but I will carry on as usual.

[ergative]

Aw, but it was so polite and grammatical! And I guess the disruption of a student arriving late could inconvenience the instructor.

[hungry_ghost]

"Dr. 0susanna'
...I am part of a group recognized as the [Program] Fellows. This group was recently invited to attend a video conference with [University President] on Thursday, October 31, at 9:30 a.m. Therefore, I will not be in class tomorrow. If we are released from the conference at a reasonable time before 10:50, I will join the class late. I am so sorry if this inconveniences you in any way!"

Dear Stu Dent in my class and [Program] Fellow, why would your absence inconvenience me? It may inconvenience your fellow students, and it is likely to inconvenience you, as you will miss whatever happens in class, but I will carry on as usual.

I get this line frequently, and I am never sure how to respond. I honestly want students to know, the only person "inconvenienced" by an absence is the student herself, but I don't know how to say this in a way that does not sound a bit rude.
I think these students are sincerely trying to be polite and do not know what else to say.
What would we like our students to say instead? Maybe, "Thank you for understanding. I am aware that it is my responsibility to find out what I have missed and make up any work." ?
I'm asking since I share a boilerplate "appropriate ways to email your professors" at the start of the semester, and I might like to address this.
Thoughts?

[KiUlv]

I get this line frequently, and I am never sure how to respond. I honestly want students to know, the only person "inconvenienced" by an absence is the student herself, but I don't know how to say this in a way that does not sound a bit rude.
I think these students are sincerely trying to be polite and do not know what else to say.
What would we like our students to say instead? Maybe, "Thank you for understanding. I am aware that it is my responsibility to find out what I have missed and make up any work." ?
I'm asking since I share a boilerplate "appropriate ways to email your professors" at the start of the semester, and I might like to address this.
Thoughts?

I have had several students say something similar in their emails, e.g., "I will get the information I miss from Joe" or some other classmate. During the first class, I talk about what to do when you need to miss class-- I expect to be notified as a courtesy and they are expected to get the information and check the notes (a PDF of select slides) on Canvas. In other words, don't ask ME what you missed. So far, they've been good about that. I teach graduate students, though, and my classes are relatively small (between 11 and 20 students). So an absence is pretty noticeable. They typically notify me if they will be late as well, which is appreciated but not necessary.

[RatGuy]

"I know that we have a major project due today, but I'm sorry I'll have to miss it. Today is my dog's birthday and my family is throwing him a party and he'll be sad and disappointed if I miss it. Sorry for any inconvenience."

I think the dog should come to my class so I can have cake too.

[Aster]

I have had three notices this week from three different students each notifying me that they'll be out of town for all of the next week because their family is going out on a cruise.

I should do a study on the impact of the cruise ship industry on college retention.

[downer]

"I know that we have a major project due today, but I'm sorry I'll have to miss it. Today is my dog's birthday and my family is throwing him a party and he'll be sad and disappointed if I miss it. Sorry for any inconvenience."

I think the dog should come to my class so I can have cake too.

Classic! This is why I like policies that about missing work that avoid having to evaluate the legitimacy of the excuse.

[kaysixteen]

Ok, but the cruises and the dog bday parties are ludicrously illegitimate excuses and should be treated as such, consequenced as such, whereas there are legit excuses a prof should recognize and make allowances for.

[marshwiggle]

Ok, but the cruises and the dog bday parties are ludicrously illegitimate excuses and should be treated as such, consequenced as such, whereas there are legit excuses a prof should recognize and make allowances for.

But what if the cruise is to celebrate the parents' 25th anniversary? What if, rather than the dog's birthday, it's Grandma's 80th birthday? As long as there is apparent room for negotiation, some students will try to find it. (And as always, who wants to have to verify any of those?)

[kaysixteen]

Cruises are non-legit period.  Mom and dad, even 80yo grandmama, shoukd realize and deal with that.

[downer]

I send out announcements saying NOTE the special deadline for this piece of work.

2 students write to ask to check that this is really the special deadline.

I applaud their desire to confirm details. But I do want to write back saying that this one has been anticipated and answered already.

[the_geneticist]

I send out announcements saying NOTE the special deadline for this piece of work.

2 students write to ask to check that this is really the special deadline.

I applaud their desire to confirm details. But I do want to write back saying that this one has been anticipated and answered already.

I get a few of those every time we have no labs due to a holiday.  The emails are "I know the syllabus/lab manual/announcement on the LMS says we don't have lab this week, but I wanted to check that we don't have lab this week."
At least you know they read the announcement. 

[Diogenes]

This is a favorite response to a students email.

Stu: "One of my sources has two authors with the same last name. Do I need to put a distinction in the in text citation by like adding a first initial, or should I just repeat the name twice?"

Me (teaching APA): "Just repeat the last name twice. You don't need to add any distinction between the two. Just make sure you keep them in the same order."

[Thursday's_Child]

Two variations on  "I know our final is today, I was just wanting to double check on where it is located."

Fantasy response:  If it was in any room other than our normal classroom it would have been posted in huge font on the CMS and announced so loudly and often in class that only a comatose student would have failed to notice.  Also, the fact that you weren't able to deduce, from the lack of any other instructions, that it is in our normal room is quite useful - it greatly helps me understand your current grade in the course.