Favorite student emails

[downer]

Student email: "Turnitin won't let me submit my homework. I would like for you to fix it on your end so that I can submit it."

My reply: "Turnitin won't let you submit because it's after the deadline. You've had since Monday to complete this homework, so no late work is accepted. As stated on the syllabus and assignments sheet, you shouldn't wait until the last minute as technical issues aren't an excuse for late work."

Student's reply: "It wasn't late when I submitted it. Anyway it's my birthday and I'm at a dinner in my honor so let me know when you fix the problem with Turnitin. I do not deserved to be penalized."

I will not be responding to that.

Wow, what a pleasure that student must be to spend time with.

Here's mine.

Student, it isn't really smart to tell me you haven't done work because you still don't have the the course book (because you can't "find" it) a month into the course. And giving that as an excuse for why you are asking me to let you do assignments that have passed is a bold move, but it didn't lead to success in this case. I hope you will withdraw from the class. Your chances of passing are slim.

[RatGuy]

Student's reply: "It wasn't late when I submitted it. Anyway it's my birthday and I'm at a dinner in my honor so let me know when you fix the problem with Turnitin. I do not deserved to be penalized."

Is the birthday excuse a thing?  Because I've also received the birthday excuse recently.

I've only had 3 student say "I'm going somewhere for my birthday" as an excuse for failing to submit work, but all three of them are Finance majors from New Jersey. So I don't know if it's a fraternity thing, a major thing, or a geography thing (or, taken together, a class thing). I will say that the kid who didn't show up for a midterm because "he was spending his 21st birthday in Vegas" appealed the zero, and I was required to let him make it up.

[mythbuster]

We have a faculty member in our department who used to cancel class on his birthday. He did until our most recent chair got wind of it. So YES, many people believe that your birthday should be a personal holiday that everyone should honor.

[OneMoreYear]

Student's reply: "It wasn't late when I submitted it. Anyway it's my birthday and I'm at a dinner in my honor so let me know when you fix the problem with Turnitin. I do not deserved to be penalized."

Is the birthday excuse a thing?  Because I've also received the birthday excuse recently.

I've only had 3 student say "I'm going somewhere for my birthday" as an excuse for failing to submit work, but all three of them are Finance majors from New Jersey. So I don't know if it's a fraternity thing, a major thing, or a geography thing (or, taken together, a class thing). I will say that the kid who didn't show up for a midterm because "he was spending his 21st birthday in Vegas" appealed the zero, and I was required to let him make it up.

Wait, what? Someone in your administration thought this was a good excuse?  What did his appeal possibly say? I couldn't take a midterm because I was playing drunk and playing blackjack? Were you at least allowed to create the make-up from hell, or did you have the give him the standard one?

[marshwiggle]

Student's reply: "It wasn't late when I submitted it. Anyway it's my birthday and I'm at a dinner in my honor so let me know when you fix the problem with Turnitin. I do not deserved to be penalized."

Is the birthday excuse a thing?  Because I've also received the birthday excuse recently.

I've only had 3 student say "I'm going somewhere for my birthday" as an excuse for failing to submit work, but all three of them are Finance majors from New Jersey. So I don't know if it's a fraternity thing, a major thing, or a geography thing (or, taken together, a class thing). I will say that the kid who didn't show up for a midterm because "he was spending his 21st birthday in Vegas" appealed the zero, and I was required to let him make it up.

Wait, what? Someone in your administration thought this was a good excuse?  What did his appeal possibly say? I couldn't take a midterm because I was playing drunk and playing blackjack? Were you at least allowed to create the make-up from hell, or did you have the give him the standard one?

If this were a stats class, it would be diabolical to make it about probabilities of various hands, given the nature of the excuse.........

[RatGuy]

Wait, what? Someone in your administration thought this was a good excuse?  What did his appeal possibly say? I couldn't take a midterm because I was playing drunk and playing blackjack? Were you at least allowed to create the make-up from hell, or did you have the give him the standard one?

I know the student (and his girlfriend, also with a Vegas-related zero) went to the Director of Undergraduate Studies for that department, who told them that a birthday was not a school-sanctioned excuse. They must have gone to someone outside the department, who responded to the DUS who responded to me. I was able to give them an "alternate exam" that was mostly tough essay questions. The power couple eventually stopped attending class.

[financeguy]

Not surprised on the birthday thing...

I've had this one a few times in online classes:

Student message sent at 11:59pm on assignment due date: I wasn't sure what you meant in the directions on assignment x. Can you clarify and I'll submit tomorrow or the following day after?

Response: Hello, I'm sorry you find the instructions unclear. This class has been attended by over x00 students in my time a Great U. Interpretation 1 is correct. You can certainly submit work after the due date for partial credit, although you should be aware of my instruction in the syllabus that indicates assignment due dates are when the work must be completed and submitted. It is your job to understand the work and seek any elaboration or clarification on the first day the assignment is given for the week. You may ask any question you like at any time, but uncertainties just before due dates will not be grounds for extensions.

[apl68]

We have a faculty member in our department who used to cancel class on his birthday. He did until our most recent chair got wind of it. So YES, many people believe that your birthday should be a personal holiday that everyone should honor.

And here I've repeatedly had to get up before five a.m. on my birthday to drive three hours to a must-attend annual state professional workshop that falls on the same day every few years.

One of those lessons in the-world-does-not-revolve-around-you that students (and others) need to learn at some point.

[Aster]

Covid-era emails...

A few days before the first major exam.
Stu Dent: "Can you send me all of the class recordings from the beginning of the semester?"

[marshwiggle]

Covid-era emails...

A few days before the first major exam.
Stu Dent: "Can you send me all of the class recordings from the beginning of the semester?"

Edit them all into one ginormous, continuous file that is umpteen hours long.
"As requested"

[FishProf]

Covid-era emails...

A few days before the first major exam.
Stu Dent: "Can you send me all of the class recordings from the beginning of the semester?"

Edit them all into one ginormous, continuous file that is umpteen hours long.
"As requested"

Sorted by Title, not order.

In .wav format

[marshwiggle]

Covid-era emails...

A few days before the first major exam.
Stu Dent: "Can you send me all of the class recordings from the beginning of the semester?"

Edit them all into one ginormous, continuous file that is umpteen hours long.
"As requested"

Sorted by Title, not order.

In .wav format

You ARE evil.

I stand in awe.

[Aster]

Heh. I don't need to do anything special. But I couldn't email the student more than 1 file anyway... each single class recording is about 140 megabytes. It takes a few minutes for *me* to even upload each one temporarily onto the CMS. The student is requesting nearly a gigabyte worth of data.

[marshwiggle]

Heh. I don't need to do anything special. But I couldn't email the student more than 1 file anyway... each single class recording is about 140 megabytes. It takes a few minutes for *me* to even upload each one temporarily onto the CMS. The student is requesting nearly a gigabyte worth of data.

You could adapt FishProf's idea. Burn them to a couple of CD-ROMs (Sorted by title. In .wav format)
Send them by post, like in the early days of Netflix.

How many days was it until the exam?

[apl68]

Meanwhile only yesterday we had a patron come to us wanting a welding textbook her son needs for his course at the local vo-tech school.  He's apparently just now trying to get it.  It costs well over a hundred dollars, so I can understand his desire to find a lower-cost alternative to buying his own copy.

We've had nursing students printing PDFs of various manuals here at our library.