Favorite student emails

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

FishProf:

When I have a syllabus that doesn't need to be updated to close another "loophole for the stupid" I will have found the Holy Grail and shall retire.

It doesn't look likely anytime soon.

is epic. I want to cross stitch that on a pillow.  Do we still have a hall of fame?
(... I am new to quoting in fora. Be kind, please)

There's a "Posting Hall of Fame Thread."

And I agree, that would be a nice x stitch.

[Langue_doc]

From Stu who is still lost:

"I was also wondering what your office hours are and if we could schedule a meeting."

Stu, read the syllabus and the weekly announcements reminding the class about office hours. This is mid-semester. No, there is no extra credit. "Extra" means "in addition to", and not "give me an easy assignment because I'm failing the class".

[Charlotte]

Student emails me and says she and her group want to meet with me today. Since I don't do group projects, I'm envisioning who this group might be.

I'm really hoping the group turns out to be a West Side Story style of gang where they snap menacingly at you.

Update: student didn't show for the scheduled meeting but came in an hour later with a couple other classmates. They all waited around as if they expected me to do the talking. After a few prompts from me, (you had some questions about the class? So what did you want to talk about?) they finally asked a couple small questions that were already answered in the assignment instructions.

How long does the paper need to be? Can I write opinion in the section that clearly states no opinion is allowed in this section?

After more silence, I finally said to feel free to send me an email if they have additional questions and to have a great weekend. They said thank you and wandered out.

Weirdest meeting I've ever had. I'm wondering if they were planning to complain and got too nervous so they didn't follow through. My colleague next door even commented on what a strange meeting it was!

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Student lab report:

"The insane current across the circuit..."

Gotta' wonder what the student was thinking here.

[polly_mer]

Student lab report:

"The insane current across the circuit..."

Gotta' wonder what the student was thinking here.

Well, current is symbol i and inline doesn't really work so autocomplete of insane is accepted.

[apl68]

Student lab report:

"The insane current across the circuit..."

Gotta' wonder what the student was thinking here.

Student was aware of using way more current there than was a good idea?

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

I think it was a translation error, but still funny to think about 'insane current.'

[the_geneticist]

Students are registering for Spring quarter classes.
So.
Many.
Emails.
We had to cut the number of labs in the non-majors classes so the waitlists are HUGE.  I'm talking 50+ students waiting to get in to a lab class with 24 seats.  If you're in the top 5 or so on the waitlist, you're pretty likely to get a seat.  If you're 5-10, it's possible, but not likely.  The rest of the students just need to sign up for something else, especially the freshmen who are registering last and are trying to finish their general graduation requirements early.  I'm going to ask if we can chop the waitlists from 99 seats (why?!) to something more reasonable like 10.  This is just bonkers.

[Langue_doc]

Email from Stu three weeks ago claiming Stu is having a mental breakdown because nothing Stu does in my class is good enough.

I respond, recommending that Stu talk to one of the counselors and also list reasons why Stu's grade is what it is. I suggest that Stu read the directions for the assignments, review my feedback, and incorporate feedback in revised assignments. I also recommend weekly sessions at the Writing Center.

Stu emails me two weeks later informing me that Stu's mental health is declining because Stu finds this class (and only this class) stressful. I respond, once again recommending that Stu contact one of the counselors immediately, and then point out that revised assignments are identical to those with feedback and that Stu has not followed any of my recommendations. As of yesterday, Stu is thinking of getting help from the Writing Center.

I copy one of the higher-ups on my responses to Stu, but guess who Stu is going to blame for Stu's performance or the lack thereof in my class?

[research_prof]

Email from Stu three weeks ago claiming Stu is having a mental breakdown because nothing Stu does in my class is good enough.

I respond, recommending that Stu talk to one of the counselors and also list reasons why Stu's grade is what it is. I suggest that Stu read the directions for the assignments, review my feedback, and incorporate feedback in revised assignments. I also recommend weekly sessions at the Writing Center.

Stu emails me two weeks later informing me that Stu's mental health is declining because Stu finds this class (and only this class) stressful. I respond, once again recommending that Stu contact one of the counselors immediately, and then point out that revised assignments are identical to those with feedback and that Stu has not followed any of my recommendations. As of yesterday, Stu is thinking of getting help from the Writing Center.

I copy one of the higher-ups on my responses to Stu, but guess who Stu is going to blame for Stu's performance or the lack thereof in my class?

Stu is going to blame you (the instructor) as usual.

[AvidReader]

This is a new one for me: student just sent me an email with this format:

Hey Dr. Avid Reader,
[email text]
Warm regards,
Dr. Avid Reader.

AR.

[Aster]

I keep getting repetitious requests from a student to meet with me concerning his grade.

But he never responds to any of the meeting times that I give him.

Instead, he just ignore those messages and keeps making more meeting requests. I feel like I am talking to a computer program and not an actual person.

[downer]

"I know some professors give us the option to retake exams by allowing us to take it more then once, thank you."

I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
I think you know the problem just as well as I do.
This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardise it.

[ergative]

Me (CCing our admin team): Dear student, in your circumstances I recommend you do [X]. I've CCed our admin team, who can help you with the logistics of [X].

Student (replying to me alone): Dear ergative, I don't understand, how do I get in touch with the admin team?

[kiana]

I keep getting repetitious requests from a student to meet with me concerning his grade.

But he never responds to any of the meeting times that I give him.

Instead, he just ignore those messages and keeps making more meeting requests. I feel like I am talking to a computer program and not an actual person.

Bet those requests are dictated by his coach or his parents and he doesn't actually want to meet.