Favorite student emails

[marshwiggle]

Student says they will be absent for four weeks out of the semester due to being on vacation and needs leniency on late work for that period.

Students states they are a very good student who has made the Dean's list every semester. In fact, the dean reportedly told student they "must absolutely go on the vacation this semester despite missing so much class." The students academic advisor apparently also told the student they must go on this four week vacation during the semester.

I think the student misquoted/misinterpreted the dean, who said, "You must absolutely get lost, for  as long as possible! Don't worry about missing classes, just GO!"

[Caracal]

Student says they will be absent for four weeks out of the semester due to being on vacation and needs leniency on late work for that period.

Students states they are a very good student who has made the Dean's list every semester. In fact, the dean reportedly told student they "must absolutely go on the vacation this semester despite missing so much class." The students academic advisor apparently also told the student they must go on this four week vacation during the semester.

I think the student misquoted/misinterpreted the dean, who said, "You must absolutely get lost, for  as long as possible! Don't worry about missing classes, just GO!"

Ha, although seriously, I guess I could imagine someone saying "sure, go, sounds like fun, you're young and if you can afford it, take the semester off!" and the student misses the second part.

[the_geneticist]

Student says they will be absent for four weeks out of the semester due to being on vacation and needs leniency on late work for that period.

Students states they are a very good student who has made the Dean's list every semester. In fact, the dean reportedly told student they "must absolutely go on the vacation this semester despite missing so much class." The students academic advisor apparently also told the student they must go on this four week vacation during the semester.

Can I go too?

Damn.  That takes the cake for the most brazenly entitled email!
I'd forward it to the advisor, but I'm evil like that.

[Cheerful]

I'd forward it to the advisor, but I'm evil like that.

I'd also forward.  I see nothing evil about it.  Important for all relevant parties to be aware of what this student claims and does, especially if said parties are named by student.  As most of us know, what a student claims a campus employee said and what was actually said don't always match up.  Plus, important to alert everyone to student's modus operandi so they're not blindsided in future.

[Langue_doc]

I would also forward this to the Chair and the Dean, especially since Stu invokes the latter.

In my institution a four-week absence would result in an automatic withdrawal--don't you have to submit "Not attending" reports around the third week?

[the_geneticist]

Ironically, this is a "favorite" email due to the fact that the student is not writing back or taking the advice.

Dear [missing lots of work] student,
I see that you have not turned in 2 of the worksheets in [Intro to Baskets]. As a reminder, the worksheets are worth X points each and all together are worth a substantial part of your grade. As of now, you are earning a D+ in the course, even with your 96% on the Midterm. I would encourage you to read the syllabus for the point breakdown in the course & contact me or your TA if you have questions about the worksheets.
Best,
[Dr. Geneticist]
P.S. Students are not allowed to take [Intro to Baskets] more than twice unless there are exceptional circumstances. I know you did not pass in Spring. Please let me know if you have any questions about the course or how it is graded.

Followed by

Dear [missing lots of work] student,
You have scored 0 points out of [N points] on the last 4 worksheets in your [Intro to Baskets] class. You are currently earning a grade of 62%. At this point, it is not mathematically possible to pass [Intro to Baskets] without completing the weekly worksheet assignments. Please come talk with me during my office hours.
Also, I know you did not pass [Intro to Baskets] in Spring 2021. Students are NOT allowed to attempt [Intro to Baskets] more than twice without special permission from their advisor. If you need [Intro to Baskets] for your major, then you really need to plan out how to earn a passing grade.
Best,
[Dr. Geneticist]

Followed by:

Dear [missing lots of work] student,
As of today, you are earning 52.71% in [Intro to Baskets] , which is a letter grade on an "F". If you earn every single one of the remaining points in the class, then the highest grade you could earn in a C-. That does assume that you turn in your missing worksheet from this week, which is already late. Please see the grade scale in the syllabus for more information on grade cutoffs for this course. Also, students are not allowed to take [Intro to Baskets]  a third time without special permission. Failing [Intro to Baskets] also means you cannot take [Honors Intro to Baskets]. I suggest that you contact your academic advisor for advice on how to best complete your major.
Best,
Dr. Geneticist

I know I can't care more than they do, but most of the time a student with no hope of passing will drop the class (and the occasional "But a B will RUIN my life! student will drop once it's clear they can't earn an A).
With the pandemic, I'm guessing their advisor will sign off on the 3rd attempt and I'll be seeing [missing lots of work] student in person in Fall.  Let's hope they do better with in person classes.

[kaysixteen]

The student's advisor has the power to authorize such an exemption, over the wishes of the course professor/ dept chair?

[the_geneticist]

The student's advisor has the power to authorize such an exemption, over the wishes of the course professor/ dept chair?

They can approve a request to not be blocked from registering, but the repeating students have last registration priority. First time takers register first and if there are any seats left, then repeat students can register.  And you can't repeat if you earned a passing grade. None of this "I'll retake freshmen (baskets) to get a better GPA" nonsense.

[bio-nonymous]

This one the week before the semester started:

Hello Good Morning Dr. [bio_nonymous]

I am going to be in your class this upcoming fall semester and was wondering what textbooks do I absolutely need to obtain for the course?  I ran into not using a few textbooks at all last semester so I thought that I would ask. I know it says that the book is required for this class, but do we really need to get the book?

Thank you,

[Bemused Student]

[Puget]

No one "favorite", just a whole bunch of emails:
a) Asking something that is clearly stated on the syllabus
b) Saying they know the syllabus says X but they just want to double-check
c) Asking if they can take a class clearly marked on the schedule as in person fully remote

Answers:
a) Please see syllabus
b) You can trust the syllabus
c) No, go sign up for one of the online classes

[the_geneticist]

No one "favorite", just a whole bunch of emails:
a) Asking something that is clearly stated on the syllabus
b) Saying they know the syllabus says X but they just want to double-check
c) Asking if they can take a class clearly marked on the schedule as in person fully remote

Answers:
a) Please see syllabus
b) You can trust the syllabus
c) No, go sign up for one of the online classes

I'm waiting for the "can I take this class remote?" emails, especially for the [Baskets 101 for non-Basketweavers].
No
Your choices are: come to class or get dropped for non-attendance.
The waitlisted students will be very happy to be offered a seat.

[Anon1787]

This one the week before the semester started:

Hello Good Morning Dr. [bio_nonymous]

I am going to be in your class this upcoming fall semester and was wondering what textbooks do I absolutely need to obtain for the course?  I ran into not using a few textbooks at all last semester so I thought that I would ask. I know it says that the book is required for this class, but do we really need to get the book?

Thank you,

[Bemused Student]

I received a bolder question a few years ago. The student wanted to know if it was possible to earn a grade of "A" without having the main textbook (the assumption being that a general education course should be extremely easy).

[RatGuy]

Not one of my students, but today a grad student emailed the entire department taking issue with the university mask mandate (masks are required indoors but faculty are not allowed to discipline random students for failing to wear a mask). The grad student accused the chair of supporting the university's plan to actively kill students. When someone else replied-all that the chair has no say in the university mandate, the grad student responded with "you are doing white supremacy's homework," "gaslighting" health-conscious students, and have done "irreparable harm." It has since become a grad student dogpile. As of yet, neither the chair or the director of grad studies has responded.

[jerseyjay]

School starts next week. I got the following email today.

"Hi Professor Jay,

I am taking your introduction to basket weaving class, and I am happy to be finally taking an in-person class since Covid began. I just want to let you know that for the first few weeks of class I will have a heart monitor on. If I seem to be writing in a notebook at any point it is me just writing down my symptoms."

My first reaction was, I hope he is okay and I am glad he let me know. But then I thought a minute and realized that not too long ago, if I saw a student writing in a notebook during class, I would assume he was taking notes in class. Is writing in a notebook so strange nowadays that students feel compelled to explain?

[bio-nonymous]

This one the week before the semester started:

Hello Good Morning Dr. [bio_nonymous]

I am going to be in your class this upcoming fall semester and was wondering what textbooks do I absolutely need to obtain for the course?  I ran into not using a few textbooks at all last semester so I thought that I would ask. I know it says that the book is required for this class, but do we really need to get the book?

Thank you,

[Bemused Student]

I received a bolder question a few years ago. The student wanted to know if it was possible to earn a grade of "A" without having the main textbook (the assumption being that a general education course should be extremely easy).

The worst part of the email I didn't mention before: the class is a basic science requisite of professional graduate medical education--this was no clueless freshman!