Favorite student emails

[apl68]

Student sends indignant email complaining about my flagging them several time on the alert system indicating students in trouble.

I wonder if they think that these emails are raising their chances of passing the course. Because they are not.

Every year, our admin-wonks deliver a monologue speech about the importance of using "early-alert" systems to flag poorly performing students.

And every year, a few (new) professors listen to that advice, submit the reports, and are then immediately berated by the academic advising department to "stop doing that" because our university does not actually have any process in place to address students who are reported. So all of the professors learn to stop using the early alert service.

And then the next year, the admin-wonks deliver a new monologue speech about the importance of the "early alert" system. I'm pretty sure that the admin-wonks are living in a bubble separated from reality.

Or at least they're separated from each other.

[kiana]

Just got this doozy from an international student taking my online lab course. Based on some past issues with our international student office, I suspect this student was misled about the class and their ability to succeed in it based on their current proficiency with English.

hi professor

i received email from general biology they gave a link websit will join in there about module 1 lesoon could you please guide me what should i do in there ?an we should do have activity? if it possible for you please help me

I do not think it is possible for me to help, as the email they got was my daily reminder sent via our LMS about what they should be working on that day to help them stay on track. In other words to guide them on what they should do.

I see my student is also enrolled in your class.

It took us several hours of videoconferencing on multiple devices to get them enrolled in the online homework system.

[the_geneticist]

Ok, call me a bit skeptical, but I've had 2 students email to beg/ask if they can take their lab class on Zoom due to an ill grandfather in another country.  And 1 grandmother.

Yes, I know it's a pandemic, but the emails are all very similar.

Labs are only in person.  If they are in this lab, then they are in at least 2 other in person classes.
Anyone else getting this flavor of request?

I tell the students I'm sorry to hear their relative is sick, please contact their academic advisor for advice about their options for Fall.

[smallcleanrat]

In our medically related program, we accomodate in the classroom but not in the clinical setting.  So if the disability really prevented the student from being successful professionally, we would know.  They need to pass the clinical portion of the program to graduate.

That seems like the right distinction. Tests and exams are artificial by their nature. I'm never required to sit down, look at an essay question and write something in fifty minutes. Obviously, I have deadlines of various sorts, but none of them resemble an exam.

I'm sure there are lots of medical professionals with ADD who are quite successful. Just because someone takes longer to finish an exam doesn't mean they are going to struggle to deal with a fast paced and stressful job. In a lot of cases, it may be exactly the opposite. ADD is often really a problem with dopamine regulation. When someone is in a quiet room trying to do an exam, they have trouble focusing, their attention wanders and it can take them longer to do something. If you put that same person in an emergency room, the dopamine levels go up and they may be quite good at quickly responding to various situations as they come up.

I never got any accommodations in school, but I'm a slow writer. My essay exams were usually pretty short and I always took all the time I had and still struggled to finish. I still got good grades on exams and it wasn't really an issue, but it was definitely a symptom of having ADHD. Put me in front of a professional seminar or a classroom, however, and I don't have any problems thinking on my feet.

Also, a student needing accommodations now won't necessarily need them for rest of their working lives. Some are due to current illness or injury (e.g. recovering from a concussion).

And some people are newly diagnosed and at the early stages of learning to manage/compensate for a disability or chronic illness. The accommodations may only be needed during the time they are getting treatment sorted and learning coping strategies and workarounds.

[AmLitHist]

Ok, call me a bit skeptical, but I've had 2 students email to beg/ask if they can take their lab class on Zoom due to an ill grandfather in another country.  And 1 grandmother.

Yes, I know it's a pandemic, but the emails are all very similar.

Labs are only in person.  If they are in this lab, then they are in at least 2 other in person classes.
Anyone else getting this flavor of request?

I tell the students I'm sorry to hear their relative is sick, please contact their academic advisor for advice about their options for Fall.

Ah, it's Fall midterm time.  The days get cooler, the leaves start to turn, grandparents start dropping like flies, and (at least for me and several colleagues) the a--holes are in full bloom.

(A colleague's Chair got a snotty email from a non-attending student in Colleague's class, raising all sorts of hell and calling for Colleague's head on a platter.  Chair forwarded to Colleague, with a note of support, and told student to contact Colleague directly.  Chair also then forwarded another from student, in which s/he insisted that Chair NOT let Colleague know s/he had run to the Chair to complain.  Oops.)

[Langue_doc]

Oops indeed. Stu apparently thought that Chair was Stu's BFF.

[mamselle]

Oops indeed. Stu apparently thought that Chair was Stu's BFF.

Or Customer Service representative...

M.

[histchick]

I got one of those e-mails from my chair last week.  In our case, though, chair did not ask Stu to contact me, and pretty much told Stu to go fly a kite. 

[Wahoo Redux]

As I do know that I am able to fix my papers and re-submit them anytime during the semester, I personally feel as if I am writing how things should be and my grade isn't reflecting. I wanted to ask if there was a specific time you would like assignments to be fixed and re-submitted?

Oh geeze...

[marshwiggle]

As I do know that I am able to fix my papers and re-submit them anytime during the semester, I personally feel as if I am writing how things should be and my grade isn't reflecting. I wanted to ask if there was a specific time you would like assignments to be fixed and re-submitted?

Oh geeze...

Any idea where Stu got that idea of resubmission ANYTIME during the semester? Maybe some other course, or just some sort of campus urban myth?

Or just epic entitlement.

[Langue_doc]

As I do know that I am able to fix my papers and re-submit them anytime during the semester, I personally feel as if I am writing how things should be and my grade isn't reflecting. I wanted to ask if there was a specific time you would like assignments to be fixed and re-submitted?

Oh geeze...

Any idea where Stu got that idea of resubmission ANYTIME during the semester? Maybe some other course, or just some sort of campus urban myth?

Or just epic entitlement.

It's the "I'm the customer, so defer to my requests however unreasonable" way of thinking.

[Wahoo Redux]

As I do know that I am able to fix my papers and re-submit them anytime during the semester, I personally feel as if I am writing how things should be and my grade isn't reflecting. I wanted to ask if there was a specific time you would like assignments to be fixed and re-submitted?

Oh geeze...

Any idea where Stu got that idea of resubmission ANYTIME during the semester? Maybe some other course, or just some sort of campus urban myth?

Or just epic entitlement.

It's the "I'm the customer, so defer to my requests however unreasonable" way of thinking.

What really got me was the assertion that hu's writing was done correctly while typing out word salad.

However, this student actually replied pleasantly and respectfully when I gently laid down the law.   

[mahagonny]

Hi Mahagonny

I missed a couple of classes last month because I got sick a bunch of times. I missed today because I slept in. I feel like I'm still following and I am practicing but I am still going to get a tutor just in case.

I was concerned about our assignments. Most days the homework is different exercises or practices in the workbook. Then there are the in-class quizzes. I believe I have been keeping up with that. Have there been other assignments? Some of my friends have take-home quizzes and dictations due for their classes and I haven't handed anything in other than sometimes what we do in class. So I wanted to make sure I am not missing anything. Have we had any assignments that needed to be handed in? Am I missing any assignments or quizzes in the gradebook?

Thank you,
Ms. Student

My response:

Dear Ms. Student,

Would you like me to text you when I am leaving for work at 6:45-7:00 am? Eight o'clock does come early, but it's what we're doing.

Sincerely,

Prof M

[fishbrains]

Ok, call me a bit skeptical, but I've had 2 students email to beg/ask if they can take their lab class on Zoom due to an ill grandfather in another country.  And 1 grandmother.

Hmmmmmmm . . . yes . . . it appears all the aunts in Alabama and all the uncles in North Carolina have died if they are related to any student attending my school. No vaccine for that $hit.

I like the relative-in-another-country approach. Harder to verify and all that. I think students have learned we can easily check online to see who has died--or not.

[the_geneticist]

Ok, call me a bit skeptical, but I've had 2 students email to beg/ask if they can take their lab class on Zoom due to an ill grandfather in another country.  And 1 grandmother.

Hmmmmmmm . . . yes . . . it appears all the aunts in Alabama and all the uncles in North Carolina have died if they are related to any student attending my school. No vaccine for that $hit.

I like the relative-in-another-country approach. Harder to verify and all that. I think students have learned we can easily check online to see who has died--or not.

I contacted their academic advisors. The student who was going to miss "at least two weeks" of class let me know they had "misread their calendar" and would only be gone one week. 
I'm stepping out of this, but I know that student conduct, counseling, advising, etc will land on stu like a ton of bricks.