Favorite student emails

[Langue_doc]

I have no idea what the student means by passing out.

I passed out last night before I could submit my essay revision. I have attached it to this email for you and I promise this will never happen again .

[the_geneticist]

I have no idea what the student means by passing out.

I passed out last night before I could submit my essay revision. I have attached it to this email for you and I promise this will never happen again .

I think they mean "fell asleep from exhaustion" rather than "I fainted" or "I was really, really drunk"

Time to say "please see the syllabus  the policy on late work"

[Aster]

Stu Dent: "Professor, I haven't been doing well on my work this semester. I am really passionate about my courses. Is there a way that I review the work I've turned in?"

Me: "Yes. We review past work every week during class."

This kid hasn't been to class in weeks.  Ugh, and I see I have another "I'm passionate" statement. I could probably publish a report that directly correlates most student emails with the word "passionate" in them to students who are failing the class. I almost always see "I'm passionate" after somebody flunks an exam, is in danger of flunking the course, hasn't submitted homework, hasn't read the syllabus, etc...

I don't think that "passionate" means what you think it means.

[marshwiggle]

Stu Dent: "Professor, I haven't been doing well on my work this semester. I am really passionate about my courses. Is there a way that I review the work I've turned in?"

Me: "Yes. We review past work every week during class."

This kid hasn't been to class in weeks.  Ugh, and I see I have another "I'm passionate" statement. I could probably publish a report that directly correlates most student emails with the word "passionate" in them to students who are failing the class. I almost always see "I'm passionate" after somebody flunks an exam, is in danger of flunking the course, hasn't submitted homework, hasn't read the syllabus, etc...

I don't think that "passionate" means what you think it means.

Like how used car salesmen use "honest", as in "Honest John's Used Cars!!!!"

[ergative]

(Grades changed for anonymity, but the logic of the exchange is preserved.)

First assessment is returned. It's a dinky 10% warm-up assignment. Note that in my system there are FIVE levels of A grade, but only three levels of the lower bands. Yes, I hate it. Moving on.

Thank you for your comments, I will try and amend my work for next time. I am just a bit curious with my grade as I received a B+ which of course is still good but with my desire to achieve an honours degree I'm really trying to get the very best I can. With the point scale I can assume that an A+ is a flawless piece of work and since you made four comments I thought this would result in a [lower A-], not a B+? Again, I'm really just trying to figure out how to get the best mark possible and if I were to make the changes you suggest if this would have given me an A+ instead.

I thought about explaining everything wrong with his assumption about how 1 comment = 1 grade-point deduction, and everything wrong with his assumption that I start at higher A+ and deduce from there. Then I decided it wasn't worth my time and blandly referred him to the generic descriptors for each grade band that go along with his degree program.

Argh.

[Puget]

Just got one from a student freaked out that she would get a day late penalty because her assignment was submitted 4 seconds late. Seconds, not minutes. Have I mentioned that our students tend to be a bit on the neurotic side?

[the_geneticist]

Just got one from a student freaked out that she would get a day late penalty because her assignment was submitted 4 seconds late. Seconds, not minutes. Have I mentioned that our students tend to be a bit on the neurotic side?

Depending on your LMS, it might be marked as late if it's timestamped as the exact due date & time.
I usually remove the penalty ONCE and remind the student to plan to finish earlier next time, especially if they need to upload something.

[ergative]

Just got one from a student freaked out that she would get a day late penalty because her assignment was submitted 4 seconds late. Seconds, not minutes. Have I mentioned that our students tend to be a bit on the neurotic side?

Depending on your LMS, it might be marked as late if it's timestamped as the exact due date & time.
I usually remove the penalty ONCE and remind the student to plan to finish earlier next time, especially if they need to upload something.

Yes, our system is pretty draconian too, and that would count as late.

[Aster]

Stu Dent: "Professor, I flew across the country and forgot to pack my textbook. Can you send me the electronic copies of the chapter assignments due this week?"

Me: "There are not any electronic copies of your textbook."

[Puget]

Just got one from a student freaked out that she would get a day late penalty because her assignment was submitted 4 seconds late. Seconds, not minutes. Have I mentioned that our students tend to be a bit on the neurotic side?

Depending on your LMS, it might be marked as late if it's timestamped as the exact due date & time.
I usually remove the penalty ONCE and remind the student to plan to finish earlier next time, especially if they need to upload something.

Yes, our system is pretty draconian too, and that would count as late.

Ours does tell them how late it is, but there is no automatic penalty setting, we have to hand-enter those, and I can't imagine anyone would impose a late penalty without at least a few minutes of grace time, but maybe the student didn't know that. At any rate I reassured her.

[onehappyunicorn]

Student is "truly disturbed and devastated" that they were withdrawn from an online class that they last accessed at the end of September. They are now just sending the email despite having been withdrawn for a full month. Student thought that since they told the instructor that they were busy that meant they didn't have to respond to multiple emails warning them about lack of participation. Being withdrawn from the class will be "detrimental to my future career in nursing".

[apl68]

Being withdrawn from the class will be "detrimental to my future career in nursing".

And perhaps that's just as well for all concerned....

[Aster]

Student is "truly disturbed and devastated" that they were withdrawn from an online class that they last accessed at the end of September. They are now just sending the email despite having been withdrawn for a full month. Student thought that since they told the instructor that they were busy that meant they didn't have to respond to multiple emails warning them about lack of participation. Being withdrawn from the class will be "detrimental to my future career in nursing".

Did they also throw in a "passionate" somewhere?

[Puget]

Student is "truly disturbed and devastated" that they were withdrawn from an online class that they last accessed at the end of September. They are now just sending the email despite having been withdrawn for a full month. Student thought that since they told the instructor that they were busy that meant they didn't have to respond to multiple emails warning them about lack of participation. Being withdrawn from the class will be "detrimental to my future career in nursing".

Did they also throw in a "passionate" somewhere?

Here it is always "surprised and confused", as in "I was surprised and confused by my exam grade".  These phrases must get transmitted through the campus culture somehow.

[the_geneticist]

Student is "truly disturbed and devastated" that they were withdrawn from an online class that they last accessed at the end of September. They are now just sending the email despite having been withdrawn for a full month. Student thought that since they told the instructor that they were busy that meant they didn't have to respond to multiple emails warning them about lack of participation. Being withdrawn from the class will be "detrimental to my future career in nursing".

Did they also throw in a "passionate" somewhere?

Here it is always "surprised and confused", as in "I was surprised and confused by my exam grade".  These phrases must get transmitted through the campus culture somehow.

We have "sorry for any inconvenience" and the recently added "passionate" and "dedicated". 
I am encouraged that the students are spelling the words correctly.  However, most of their emails just need a "see the syllabus for the policy on late work" reply.  I am not at all inconvenienced and they can demonstrate their passion and dedication to Intro to Baskets 101 by turning things in on time.  Welcome to college, it only gets harder from here!