Favorite student emails

[hungry_ghost]

I recently received an email from a student I had never met that began "Hey Dr. [familiar form of first name that I don't use]."  I am used to "hey prof," etc., but this was a new one for me.

In the days of yore/ before caller ID, that false familiarity was how we would screen calls for my father.  If you didn't know he was (the equivalent of) Will and not Bill, you didn't actually know him.

Maybe your student has a future in sales?

Similar practice in our house. Spouse and I have different last names; anybody who uses the wrong one clearly doesn't know us. Screens out a surprisingly high percentage of callers.

oh haha, when I get a call for Mrs. Hislastname, I say (in a gentle and concerned tone): "Oh.  ...  Oh. ... I'm so terribly sorry. Mrs. Hislastname is dead. Did you know her well?" (his mother passed a few years ago. She never lived with us.)

[fosca]

I recently received an email from a student I had never met that began "Hey Dr. [familiar form of first name that I don't use]."  I am used to "hey prof," etc., but this was a new one for me.

In the days of yore/ before caller ID, that false familiarity was how we would screen calls for my father.  If you didn't know he was (the equivalent of) Will and not Bill, you didn't actually know him.

Maybe your student has a future in sales?

Similar practice in our house. Spouse and I have different last names; anybody who uses the wrong one clearly doesn't know us. Screens out a surprisingly high percentage of callers.

oh haha, when I get a call for Mrs. Hislastname, I say (in a gentle and concerned tone): "Oh.  ...  Oh. ... I'm so terribly sorry. Mrs. Hislastname is dead. Did you know her well?" (his mother passed a few years ago. She never lived with us.)

Having an unusual last name is a great way to screen out telemarketers.  There's either a huge pause before they say it, or I can use the classic New Yorker cartoon caption "I'm sorry, no one whose name is pronounced like that lives here."

[Chemystery]

I recently received an email from a student I had never met that began "Hey Dr. [familiar form of first name that I don't use]."  I am used to "hey prof," etc., but this was a new one for me.

In the days of yore/ before caller ID, that false familiarity was how we would screen calls for my father.  If you didn't know he was (the equivalent of) Will and not Bill, you didn't actually know him.

Maybe your student has a future in sales?

Similar practice in our house. Spouse and I have different last names; anybody who uses the wrong one clearly doesn't know us. Screens out a surprisingly high percentage of callers.

oh haha, when I get a call for Mrs. Hislastname, I say (in a gentle and concerned tone): "Oh.  ...  Oh. ... I'm so terribly sorry. Mrs. Hislastname is dead. Did you know her well?" (his mother passed a few years ago. She never lived with us.)

During college I had three roommates, one of which was male.  The phone was in his name, which was short and pronounced exactly how it was spelled.  Nevertheless, telemarketers usually got it wrong.  They also assumed that any woman who answered the phone must be Mrs. Hislastname.  It happened frequently enough that we (the female roommates) added a new fish to the aquarium and named it Mrs. Hislastname.  After that we told anyone that asked for her or assumed that to be our identity that Mrs. Hislastname couldn't talk because she was swimming. 

I also enjoyed taking calls that started with "Is this the lady of the house?"  Yup.  One of them.

[science.expat]

One of my email screens is 'Dear Sir'. Nope, just a signal to delete the spam.

[hungry_ghost]

One of my email screens is 'Dear Sir'. Nope, just a signal to delete the spam.

Unless you're Peppermint Patty, right?

[kaysixteen]

As the late great Gunnery Sgt F. Lee Ermey noted, 'the first word out of your mouth must always be sir!'

[DrSomebody]

I think my favorite will always be the simple one I received a few years ago:

Dear Dr. Somebody,

I am so sorry I missed the first class yesterday. I promise it will never happen again.

Sincerely,

Ironic Student

I don't know why that one just stuck with me, but maybe the innocence and irony just hung around--and maybe also because the student turned out to have excellent attendance and actually do well in the class.

[ergative]

One of my email screens is 'Dear Sir'. Nope, just a signal to delete the spam.

Oddly, I just got an invitation to give an invited talk in a different country that started with 'Dear colleague.' I was about to consign that email to the void where I send all my special opportunities to be an editor of an internationally renowned journal that I've never heard of. But then I read it, and it seemed legit, and I looked up the person who sent it and I looked up his co-organizer of the event, and they seemed legit, and now I think I might be getting an all-expenses paid trip to Europe next year.

[mamselle]

Talk about irony!

M.

[onthefringe]

Recently I've gotten a small string of emails from current undergraduates looking for research positions in my graduate program. These have all taken the basic form of

Dear Dr. Fringe (or occasionally "Respected Sir" from international students)

I would like to introduce myself. [two to four sentences about student and their experience/interests]. I was reading your website and was very interested ininsert a short phrase cut and pasted from my website without noticing that it is in a completely different font and size from the rest of the email. I have attached my CV, and would look forward to discussing how my background in camel genomics (or whatever their completely unrelated research experience entails) might impact your future research. Will you be accepting a graduate student this year?

Sincerely etc...

Someone needs to be a bit more specific when they tell students we are more likely to respond to personalized emails!

[present_mirth]

"Hi, I have a question about this class. Is this an online course or an in class course? I signed up for my classes late and this is the only class I have been a little confused about. I haven't been able to find a classroom or a time this class is supposed to meet, so I just assumed it was online. But I also haven't had anything due for this class either. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reach out!"

We are in the FIFTH WEEK of the semester. It is a face-to-face class, as should be evident from the syllabus, which has a lot to say about the expectations for classroom participation, attendance, in-class activities, and such. We have, in fact, had an assignment due, I just haven't sent out reminders via the LMS because ... wait for it ... it is a face-to-face class. But even if it were an online class, shouldn't you have, you know, looked at the syllabus at some point during those five weeks?

[mamselle]

Yes, and if you, like myself and many others, put the class number on the Syllabus Heading, they might have seen it there, too.

Or not...

M.

[apl68]

Sounds like present_mirth's student is having a real-life version of that recurring nightmare where one suddenly realizes it's far into the semester and one hasn't been attending class and is falling hopelessly behind.  I've kept having that one years after my last school experience!

[Aster]

Someone sent me a video from their phone showing them trying to start their (broken down) car.

This is my first videotaped excused absence request. Hot.

[science.expat]

Someone sent me a video from their phone showing them trying to start their (broken down) car.

This is my first videotaped excused absence request. Hot.

Is there a date stamp?