Favorite student emails

[AmLitHist]

Received today for a class beginning next week:

"is it anyway possible to get the papers pages reduced? For example 4 instead of 8. This will help me so much I have already been worrying about them. Thank you."

I have been teaching for nearly ten years, and have never before received a request to do half the writing (for full credit, anyway!).

Wouldn't help them in my classes--I switched from page counts to word count requirements years ago, for just this reason.

Does this student not know how to change font sizes and use creative spacing?  Stretching a paper to double its actual content length would be exceptional, but I've seen examples that come fairly close.

[reverist]

Does this student not know how to change font sizes and use creative spacing?  Stretching a paper to double its actual content length would be exceptional, but I've seen examples that come fairly close.

The best part: I looked up the class he's in (he didn't say in the email) and the writing assignments are word count-based, not page-based (I do more word counts than pages these days for exactly the reasons you outline!). Oddly enough, they probably will come out to be around eight pages. So I don't know if he has an old copy of the syllabus (I ran the same two writing assignments but with pages instead of words just pre-COVID), or just worked it out, or what.

[mamselle]

Simple:

"Dear Student,

If you want to make the margins smaller so that the required word count is met, but it fits on fewer pages for a reduction in printing costs, or if you're running short on paper, I have no objection to that as a one-time exception.

Otherwise, no."

---

Oh, but wait--they don't even print things out for submission anymore, do they?

So...forget it.

M.

[OneMoreYear]

As my University has insisted we are back in-person and everything is fine, I'm now starting to get expected emails from students saying that they have tested positive for COVID so they will not be in class or they've been exposed to COVID and are waiting for their test results so they may not be in class.  Responses to those are easy-- I'm sorry to hear that, hope you feel better, join the class live feed on Zoom if you feel well enough, follow University protocols for positive tests.  (I'm hy-flexing my classes, particularly in January. I'm teaching from the classroom to satisfy the University, but Zooming the class for those who can't come. So far, no push back. I don't really like this model, but I recognize the utility, particularly during the omicron surge).

But today, I'm not sure how to respond to a student who emailed me to explain that they would not be in class or able to Zoom for a week because their family is going on a cruise mid-January. 

[Puget]

As my University has insisted we are back in-person and everything is fine, I'm now starting to get expected emails from students saying that they have tested positive for COVID so they will not be in class or they've been exposed to COVID and are waiting for their test results so they may not be in class.  Responses to those are easy-- I'm sorry to hear that, hope you feel better, join the class live feed on Zoom if you feel well enough, follow University protocols for positive tests.  (I'm hy-flexing my classes, particularly in January. I'm teaching from the classroom to satisfy the University, but Zooming the class for those who can't come. So far, no push back. I don't really like this model, but I recognize the utility, particularly during the omicron surge).

But today, I'm not sure how to respond to a student who emailed me to explain that they would not be in class or able to Zoom for a week because their family is going on a cruise mid-January.

"Dear Stu,
What a great joke! Wait, you were joking right? On the off chance you weren't, you are of course free to make that choice but be aware that you will not be able to make up the content or assignments you miss that week. Choices have consequences so choose carefully.
All the best, OMY"

I have in fact sent some version of this email to students who informed me they were "extending" their break or going out of town during a non-break period for non-emergency reasons.

[cathwen]

You might also point out that virtually all cruise ships have computers and internet connections, and that you are looking forward to having them Zoom in from wherever the cruise is going.

[the_geneticist]

And that virtually all cruises have been cancelled.

[Istiblennius]

I had a version of this recently. Online student asking to reschedule an exam (already open as fully remote with a 24 hour window) because they'd be traveling on a vacation and have sensory issues so didn't think they could concentrate effectively taking the exam on their trip. I asked for their accommodation letter so I could make sure I made all of the relevant updates to the LMS to support their needs and they responded they didn't have any formal accommodations because it's never been an issue, but they are worried about traveling. So then I asked for the travel schedule so that I could verify that they would not have internet access or privacy (like they would be in an airport or trainstation) during our 24 hour exam window. Suddenly they discover that they misread the email from their parent and it wouldn't be any problem to take the exam on schedule.

[mamselle]

And that virtually all cruises have been cancelled.

Yes, a cruise ship is a Petri dish waiting to explode.

And frankly, knowing what I know now from two chaplains of ship workers on cruises, they should be boycotted on human rights issues alone.

Between late-night buffet set-up, which ends at 2:30 AM, and 4:30 AM breakfast prep, first and second meal setups, and cleaning duties, most cruise workers get two 2-hour sleep shifts a day (fewer if someone else is sick). Most are kept onboard and not allowed to get off during landings in port: the captain keeps their passports locked away and doesn't release them, sometimes for months at a time.

Most, generally third-world denizens, haven't seen their families (to whom they send all their pay) in years, are paid and tipped poorly, and if the shipping company goes under, sometimes the ship is held as collateral against debts, and the workers can't get off: until the legal paperwork is settled, which can take years, the physical boat is anchored far off-shore to prevent the former owners from scrapping it and raising their own cash from it. 

One of the chaplains discovered, going out to take communion to a group of Filippino Catholics, that they hadn't been fed in three days. He went back, got a local store he knew to donate 18 hot meals and several boxes of canned good, and brought the food out to the workers.

Then they celebrated Mass.

M.

[reverist]

And that virtually all cruises have been cancelled.

Yes, a cruise ship is a Petri dish waiting to explode.

And frankly, knowing what I know now from two chaplains of ship workers on cruises, they should be boycotted on human rights issues alone.

Between late-night buffet set-up, which ends at 2:30 AM, and 4:30 AM breakfast prep, first and second meal setups, and cleaning duties, most cruise workers get two 2-hour sleep shifts a day (fewer if someone else is sick). Most are kept onboard and not allowed to get off during landings in port: the captain keeps their passports locked away and doesn't release them, sometimes for months at a time.

Most, generally third-world denizens, haven't seen their families (to whom they send all their pay) in years, are paid and tipped poorly, and if the shipping company goes under, sometimes the ship is held as collateral against debts, and the workers can't get off: until the legal paperwork is settled, which can take years, the physical boat is anchored far off-shore to prevent the former owners from scrapping it and raising their own cash from it. 

One of the chaplains discovered, going out to take communion to a group of Filippino Catholics, that they hadn't been fed in three days. He went back, got a local store he knew to donate 18 hot meals and several boxes of canned good, and brought the food out to the workers.

Then they celebrated Mass.

M.

This post is somehow infuriating, saddening, and heartwarming all at the same time.

[Langue_doc]

Came across this while deleting old emails:

Professor i wrote my essay thats due today at 9pm on "the [short story]". But, one of my classmates told me it was supposed to be written about a "[different short story]". Can i still get graded for it because i have been working on it all week?

Capitals, capitals!

[aside]

Came across this while deleting old emails:

Professor i wrote my essay thats due today at 9pm on "the yellow wallpaper". But, one of my classmates told me it was supposed to be written about a "rose for emily". Can i still get graded for it because i have been working on it all week?

Absolutely.  When you retake my class next semester.

[Langue_doc]

First email from a student:

I have a doctor appointment

Second email, a minute later:

I meant to write I have a doctor appointment at that time.

Email from the pre-pandemic days:

You need to look over my grades again. I am and athlete if you are not here I need to meet with someone tomorrow. It is unacceptable that you gave me a failing grade

[Wahoo Redux]

My wife had these email exchange with a student (real name changed):

Layala: "...okay, thank you professor.  Layla." 

Wife: "Sorry, I've been been calling you 'Layala.'  Is that not right?"  (Notes that the email name is "Layala&education.edu")

Layala:  "No, my name is 'Layla.'  My dad just spelled it wrong on my birth certificate and it costs, like, $700 to change your name."

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Student emails me and wants to work through each lab virtually. Um, no. I can answer specific questions, but not do the entire lab for you.