Favorite student emails

[downer]

"Please get back to me at your earliest convenience."

To explain why you got the grade you did? When I already filled out the grading rubric.

I need to bring out my list of priorities, and show where you fall on it.

[dr_evil]

Students are taking a quiz in discussion this week.  I've had 1 student email the claim they didn't get the full X minutes of time.  And another say it somehow wasn't available to them. 
You know my favorite part about online teaching?  I can check these so easily!

Dear student 1,
According to the online report, you logged in at X:00 answered one question, and the quiz automatically submitted after X minutes.

Dear student 2,
According to the online report, you did not attempt to open the quiz until after my email saying you missed the quiz. 


Students: websites do not make that sort of personalized mistake.  If the quiz was unavailable, then NO ONE in your section would see the quiz, not just you.  If the amount of time was wrong, it would be wrong for EVERYONE, not just you.

That's why I get emails like my recent one:
"I accidentally submitted the quiz before I finished. Can you please reopen it so I can finish?"

[the_geneticist]

"Please get back to me at your earliest convenience."

To explain why you got the grade you did? When I already filled out the grading rubric.

I need to bring out my list of priorities, and show where you fall on it.

Students think they are being polite, but these sort of "I eagerly anticipate your reply" phrases make professors feel annoyed and stab-y.

[FishProf]

"Please get back to me at your earliest convenience."

At my earliest convenience?  OK, how about NEVER, does NEVER work for you?

[marshwiggle]

"Please get back to me at your earliest convenience."

At my earliest convenience?  OK, how about NEVER, does NEVER work for you?

Ebenezer:
I suppose you'll be wanting the whole day off tomorrow as usual.

Bob Cratchit:
If quite convenient, sir.

Ebenezer:
Every Christmas you say the same thing. And every Christmas it's just as inconvenient as the Christmas before.

[FishProf]

It's a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th of December....

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

I got an email plea to raise a grade (from LAST semester) to an A (from a B). The poor little high school student (who was taking college courses) NEEDS me to raise this grade so that stu can apply for a scholarship. Now, that may be true, but an 84% does NOT curve to an A in my universe.

[sinenomine]

My school sent out a cancellation message this morning due to weather, noting that the campus is closed and classes are cancelled. A student promptly emailed to ask if we have class. Not sure how much clearer we can be than "classes are cancelled."

[ergative]

"Please get back to me at your earliest convenience."

To explain why you got the grade you did? When I already filled out the grading rubric.

I need to bring out my list of priorities, and show where you fall on it.

Students think they are being polite, but these sort of "I eagerly anticipate your reply" phrases make professors feel annoyed and stab-y.

Goodness, yes. On the one hand, these are sort of meaningless formulas that the students are practicing deploying as part of their professional correpondance toolkit, but on the other hand the meaning isn't entirely gone, and what remains of it is a frustratingly impatient demand to hurry up.

[mamselle]

Possibly also a phrase they've heard a blowsy parent, boss, or film character use, and they're misappropriating it because they don't know any better.

Cluelessness leads to unintentional rudeness, at least some of the time.

M.

[Caracal]

"Please get back to me at your earliest convenience."

To explain why you got the grade you did? When I already filled out the grading rubric.

I need to bring out my list of priorities, and show where you fall on it.

Students think they are being polite, but these sort of "I eagerly anticipate your reply" phrases make professors feel annoyed and stab-y.

Goodness, yes. On the one hand, these are sort of meaningless formulas that the students are practicing deploying as part of their professional correpondance toolkit, but on the other hand the meaning isn't entirely gone, and what remains of it is a frustratingly impatient demand to hurry up.

It's basically the same thing that happens when students think they are writing impressively in essays but use bizarre or archaic formulations that sound silly. There might have been a time when "I eagerly anticipate your reply" sounded polite, but for whatever reason most people do interpret it as pushy now. You can see how "respond to me at your earliest convenience" once was actually a way of saying that while you really wanted to hear back from the person, you understood they might be busy and not able to respond right away. Now it sounds demanding, probably because of changes in how we think of time and correspondence or something.

[Puget]

"Please get back to me at your earliest convenience."

To explain why you got the grade you did? When I already filled out the grading rubric.

I need to bring out my list of priorities, and show where you fall on it.

Students think they are being polite, but these sort of "I eagerly anticipate your reply" phrases make professors feel annoyed and stab-y.

Goodness, yes. On the one hand, these are sort of meaningless formulas that the students are practicing deploying as part of their professional correpondance toolkit, but on the other hand the meaning isn't entirely gone, and what remains of it is a frustratingly impatient demand to hurry up.

It's basically the same thing that happens when students think they are writing impressively in essays but use bizarre or archaic formulations that sound silly. There might have been a time when "I eagerly anticipate your reply" sounded polite, but for whatever reason most people do interpret it as pushy now. You can see how "respond to me at your earliest convenience" once was actually a way of saying that while you really wanted to hear back from the person, you understood they might be busy and not able to respond right away. Now it sounds demanding, probably because of changes in how we think of time and correspondence or something.

Maybe for our own amusement we should start encouraging ever more archaic closing phrases--"I remain your humble servant" etc.

[downer]

That would be funny.

At a couple of schools I teach at, students often start out their messages with "I hope you are doing well." or they finish with "Thank you very much and have a great day." Maybe some email programs have auto-suggested sentences.

I try to quietly discourage such politeness. I emphasize my preference for keeping things simple.

[the_geneticist]

That would be funny.

At a couple of schools I teach at, students often start out their messages with "I hope you are doing well." or they finish with "Thank you very much and have a great day." Maybe some email programs have auto-suggested sentences.

I try to quietly discourage such politeness. I emphasize my preference for keeping things simple.

I'm fine with simple politeness.  I start most of my emails to students as "Thank you for your email." or "Glad to see you are planning ahead!"
and end with "Please let me know if you have any questions."  If they are emailing me about being sick, I end with "I hope you feel better soon."
A tiny bit of kindness goes a long way with my students.  And they are much less likely to argue if the email starts with a "thank you for asking" even if they answer to their question/request/demand is no.

[jerseyjay]

At a couple of schools I teach at, students often start out their messages with "I hope you are doing well." or they finish with "Thank you very much and have a great day." Maybe some email programs have auto-suggested sentences.

I try to quietly discourage such politeness. I emphasize my preference for keeping things simple.

I have to say I don't understand this logic.

"Such politeness" in this case means a polite salutation and a polite conclusion. Having these makes the email less abrupt and, well, polite. An email that gets straight to the point is rude without some form of greeting. Rather than simple, I would say it is simple-minded. I would never write a colleague without a polite opening and conclusion, and I would be ill-disposed to anybody who wrote to me without such. (Of course, in an email chain, such politeness  tends to cease in the back and forth, bur for an initial email, it seems useful.)

In Latin America, I was taught that it is rude to actually get to the point in less than two or three paragraphs of fluff. That is both obsolete and too much. But without some politeness, an email is rude.