Handling career regrets

[jerseyjay]

I am not sure I have regrets. There are things I wish I had done differently, and there are things that I wonder what would have happened had I made a different choice.  I have advice that, based on my own career, I would give others. And based on my own knowledge of the history job market, I usually advice my students not to try to become a full-time history professor.

I am generally happy in my current personal and professional situation. I spent more than a decade as a casual academic looking for a full-time job, and during that time I regretted having studied history. Then I got a tenure track job, and I no longer regret it. If my school lays me off, I might regret it again. But I am not sure I would have been any happier if I had gone into some other field (i.e., a different academic speciality or a different line of work altogether).

I regret not paying more attention in high school Spanish class. But then I moved to Latin America and learnt Spanish, and now I can work in Spanish pretty well. I regret not taking the opportunity to buy a house when I was an undergraduate, in a location that is closer to my work than where I currently live and whose price has  probably gone up 10 times in the last decade. But then I didn't have the money, and if I had managed to buy the house, I would not have gone to graduate school in Europe or work in Latin America. Sometimes I regret not spending more time in Europe or Latin America, but then I wouldn't have got the job I have now.

In my life, as with everybody else, at one point the roads diverged and I took the one I took. What is the point of regret since you cannot go back?

[mamselle]

You also made a good point, jay, in that, if you really find yourself regretting something, there is usually another way to attain/obtain that goal.

I didn't buy a very good accordion that was on sale before I moved away from my home in Ohio. It was expensive and would have been hard to move.

I really did regret that because it limited my job capacity, etc.

However, knowing how much I realized it meant to me, I kept looking for one in my new home, and I found it. I'm still playing it.

I recall, also, one of my teachers once saying, "You'll never really make a serious mistake in your true calling."

And I've seen that, as she said, things that have arisen that I've wished might have been different were not earth-shattering, or career-ending.

It also comes back to the thing we say here, all the time:

  "You can't control others, and you can't control situations. You can only control yourself and the way you respond to those others and those situations."

There is a path to peace with oneself, it sometimes just takes a bit of seeking to find it. And you do get better at it.

M.

[mahagonny]

I'm sure there are ways in which regret, grief, anger and envy are all irrational. The rational agent would not engage in those emotion processes.

But it turns out that humans are human.

The rational human recognizes that he is prone to these futile, soul destroying habits so he doesn't expect to be rid of them, but finds ways to escape them.
And add worry to the list.

[Volhiker78]

We all have regrets.  Mine tend to be in regards to my personal life as opposed to my career. I think the key is to learn from the experiences and move on.  Sometimes easier said than done. I like the lyrics from 'No Day but Today', in the Finale from Rent:

There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today

[dismalist]

I'm sure there are ways in which regret, grief, anger and envy are all irrational. The rational agent would not engage in those emotion processes.

But it turns out that humans are human.

No doubt most of us have most of these emotions.

Question is why we have them.

My guess is that regret and envy are atavisms from the time nothing ever changed quickly enough to notice, for many, many thousands of years. If one regrets something, one teaches one's children to not do that which led to regret. Envy is likely to have identified cheaters in the band of 40 who could only eat too much by stealing from a group that produced jointly by people one knew, not individually among people one doesn't know.

Most of us, much of the time, are still tied to such emotions. Problem is regret and envy help no one in a rapidly changing environment.

[mahagonny]

We all have regrets.  Mine tend to be in regards to my personal life as opposed to my career. I think the key is to learn from the experiences and move on.  Sometimes easier said than done. I like the lyrics from 'No Day but Today', in the Finale from Rent:

There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
No other path, no other way
No day but today

Very Zen. Ring of truth.

I do kinda wish I had misspent more of my youth - gotten drunk more often, smoked some more weed, tried LSD once, had a bunch of failed romances, gotten in a couple of fist fights.  But that was no more my nature then, than it is now.  So, overall, c'est la vie and I'm OK with it.

This is a pretty good list of overrated experiences. Take my word, and be content.

[clean]

I think the people who say they have zero regrets must have either unusually great lives or a lack of introspection.

No to both!  The difference is that you can spend your life reliving the events that have caused you to question the way your life turned out, rethinking all of the events that brought you to where you are, OR  you can realize that you can  not change or you can realize that you can not change the past!  IF you are not happy where you are in life, then create a path to change! 

If you are reading this, then there is time to change your destination!  If you want to change, THEN MAKE a Plan and implement it so that you can create the conditions to improve your situation. 

[mahagonny]

I think the people who say they have zero regrets must have either unusually great lives or a lack of introspection.

No to both!  The difference is that you can spend your life reliving the events that have caused you to question the way your life turned out, rethinking all of the events that brought you to where you are, OR  you can realize that you can  not change or you can realize that you can not change the past!  IF you are not happy where you are in life, then create a path to change! 

If you are reading this, then there is time to change your destination!  If you want to change, THEN MAKE a Plan and implement it so that you can create the conditions to improve your situation.

I think there is agreement. By denying the regrets you deprive them of nourishment and they fade.

[paddington_bear]

Such wonderful insights in this thread! Thank you! I hope that others find it as useful as I have!

[marshwiggle]

I think the people who say they have zero regrets must have either unusually great lives or a lack of introspection.

No to both!  The difference is that you can spend your life reliving the events that have caused you to question the way your life turned out, rethinking all of the events that brought you to where you are, OR  you can realize that you can  not change or you can realize that you can not change the past!  IF you are not happy where you are in life, then create a path to change! 

And realize that many of the insights you have about how to do things differently are a result of those very choices in the past. Other choices would have undoubtedly led to other regrets, if not about those choices, then about choices which arose out of those choices down the line.

[mahagonny]

I think the people who say they have zero regrets must have either unusually great lives or a lack of introspection.

No to both!  The difference is that you can spend your life reliving the events that have caused you to question the way your life turned out, rethinking all of the events that brought you to where you are, OR  you can realize that you can  not change or you can realize that you can not change the past!  IF you are not happy where you are in life, then create a path to change! 

And realize that many of the insights you have about how to do things differently are a result of those very choices in the past. Other choices would have undoubtedly led to other regrets, if not about those choices, then about choices which arose out of those choices down the line.

the worst thing you can do is fail to decide and also understand that whether you change what you're doing or stay the course, it is a decision. 'When you come to a fork in the road, take it.' - Yogi

[mamselle]

Bear, or Berra?

;--}

M.

[clean]

Bear, or Berra?

Great philosophers, both!

[kaysixteen]

Library school is not the answer.  Every year numerous American MLS programs churn out scores of new grads, most of whom will not get the sorts of professional jobs they are looking for.   It is almost as bad as the academic job market for most humanities PhDs, and, since it is much easier to get an MLS than a humanities PhD, this problem is easier to prolong and increase.

[Ruralguy]

There are enough MLS out thereto turn us down!

I think there is a lot more turning down of small colleges in the hinterlands all around.