terminal cancer

[Dismal]

I'm so sorry. Agree with your colleague that you should take every opportunity to extend your clock. We have tenure track faculty who have extended their clocks up to  4 years. And our provost's office says we can't really terminate the contract of people during the year(s) their clock is not ticking.

[Hegemony]

I'm so glad you have clearance to teach remotely for a while. That's one piece of this enormous puzzle that doesn't have to be worried about, at least. It's good to have something go right.

[Vid]

I do echo other colleagues comments....I am SO SORRY you are going through this situation. Warm hugs.

[Ruralguy]

Honestly, it seems as if tenure track stoppage was started for this sort of situation (intensive family care), so, yes, continue to explore that.

But as others have said, even If I (and we) can't be of very much direct help, we very much are ready to help in the minor ways we can, and  of course send out warmest feelings to you.

[bluefooted]

I'm very sorry to hear this.  I wish you the absolute best in a terrible situation.

I wonder about discussing with (your version of) the Dean of Faculty in your College?  Maybe they will be able to discuss the options that are rightfully available to you, without the attitude.

[Brego]

Thanks to all of you for the kind words of support.  I did not think anyone was reading this thread any more.  I am buoyed to know that people care.

A new junior faculty member moved into my Moo place for the next year.  A friend happens to know them, so I'm assured the place is in good hands.

I have raised enough money to pay for some of my husband's end-of-life care and his cremation.  Keeping his home is something I have always meant to do; it's close to my elderly parents, it's in a location essential to my academic work and many potential non-academic jobs, and it's a safe place to land in the event I am denied tenure.  Unlike Moo, it is a place that feels very much like home.

Some weeks ago the department chair told me that I would be "a great deal less anxious" if I finished my manuscript.  I wish I had the presence of mind to do so, and the time.  It is awfully hard to write when one is experiencing existential dread and occasional suicidal ideation.  But, of course, that is only my opinion.

The Dean of the College is brand new.  No one knows how to pronounce his name.  No one knows anything about him, in fact.  [Castle thunder]. The Provost, however, seems like a kind and thoughtful person.  Likewise the university president, to whom I have spoken privately and at length on more than one occasion.  I am also in possession of a canny lawyer, though I hope it does not come to that. 

My husband is handling chemotherapy astonishingly well.  That is more important to me than anything.

Thank you again for your ideas and your help.  I'll be updating this thread as things progress.

[Wahoo Redux]

Keep the faith, Brego.

Here's wishing you the best.  You are obviously very strong.  Please keep us informed.

[mamselle]

Also continuing to think of you.

If it's any help--and it may not be, but if it is--you'd be welcome to join us on the monthly Research thread, where we log various kinds of progress at whatever interval suits.

It's here:

   https://thefora.org/index.php?topic=3017.60

All good thoughts.

M.

[Hegemony]

Thinking of you, Brego, and glad to hear that the Moo house is taken care of and that the chemo is going well. Keep us posted as you can.

[Morden]

I am glad that the house is rented and you're able to teach remotely while you spend time with your spouse. Wishing you all the best.

[Parasaurolophus]

Thank you for the update. That's a lot more good news than was in the first post. Hang tight, and bon courage, as we say.

[Brego]

My husband's in the ICU.  He was in severe sepsis the other night.  We hope to go home in a few days.

More than one person in my department has implied that taking another extension will have a negative effect on my tenure case.  They are trying to dissuade me from doing it.  I'm legally entitled to another extension.  If I take another year, how can my use it against me?  I'm guessing they would claim there are other grounds to deny me tenure, whatever those might be.

I am now my husband's full-time caretaker.  We can't afford to hire full-time help until he's in the hospice stage.  I do not know how I can manage a household, work full time, work part time to pick up extra money that we desperately need, and take care of a dying spouse without taking more time on the clock. 

I am really tired of people telling me I am "strong."  I am not superhuman, although apparently I am supposed to be.

[mamselle]

Sometimes--not always--when people think they're complimenting you by saying you're strong, they're just giving themselves an out for either recognizing they couldn't do the same, or excusing themselves from helping or being more empathic.

Eliphaz the Temanite comes to mind.

We're with you, keep posting.

All good thoughts as you seek a pathway though this morass.

M. 

[AmLitHist]

Brego, I've PM'd you.  Sending good thoughts (and maybe some practical help in the PM).

[Hegemony]

More than one person in my department has implied that taking another extension will have a negative effect on my tenure case.  They are trying to dissuade me from doing it.  I'm legally entitled to another extension.  If I take another year, how can my use it against me?  I'm guessing they would claim there are other grounds to deny me tenure, whatever those might be.

Those people are not thinking clearly about the overwhelming chance that you would win the lawsuit which all your friends and supporters would urge you to file. If anyone in university administration is thinking clearly, they will know not to touch this issue with a ten-foot pole, and they will let you sail on through to tenure as you are entitled to.

I'm so sorry about the ICU — that sounds scary and stressful. I know this must be a nightmare on every possible level. You have a passel of people out here in internet land wishing you strength and peace.