Romantic lives

[marshwiggle]

So regarding dating preferences, someone saying "I don't want to date X" doesn't mean that they are intimidated by, (or dislike), X. I wouldn't want to date someone with high powered career who can't take vacations and/or has to be on call or always reachable by phone. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the importance of those jobs, or that I don't respect people who have them, but I'm not interested in having the relationship limitations which those impose.

I agree that a preference does not necessarily reflect intimidation, but this is op's perception of the situation.

However if the perception is wrong, it may lead to some missed oportunities. For instance, in many careers, (including academia),  there can be a vast difference in the sacrifices one has to make to climb the ladder agressively versus making a decent living balanced with other things.  For instance, there are physicians who work in things like public health, which involves basically normal working hours and no on-call requirements like some other options. Someone leery of dating a doctor may be willing to make an exception if it was clear that this individual's career aspirations did not follow those of many other doctors that lead to all kinds of personal sacrifices.

[Caracal]

So regarding dating preferences, someone saying "I don't want to date X" doesn't mean that they are intimidated by, (or dislike), X. I wouldn't want to date someone with high powered career who can't take vacations and/or has to be on call or always reachable by phone. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the importance of those jobs, or that I don't respect people who have them, but I'm not interested in having the relationship limitations which those impose.

I agree that a preference does not necessarily reflect intimidation, but this is op's perception of the situation.

However if the perception is wrong, it may lead to some missed oportunities. For instance, in many careers, (including academia),  there can be a vast difference in the sacrifices one has to make to climb the ladder agressively versus making a decent living balanced with other things.  For instance, there are physicians who work in things like public health, which involves basically normal working hours and no on-call requirements like some other options. Someone leery of dating a doctor may be willing to make an exception if it was clear that this individual's career aspirations did not follow those of many other doctors that lead to all kinds of personal sacrifices.

Yeah, and academics vary wildly in their time commitments depending on things like field, career stage and attitude towards their work. I am an academic and I'm married to an academic and I certainly would not want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't have reasonable boundaries around their work...