Sentence construction correct?

[Deskman]

I came across sentence construction in a student essay that might need correction but I'm not sure. The sentence is something on the order of: Therefore problems persist not only for the urban population but suburban commuters. Is "not only for" correct, or should it read "for not only"? Also, is the use of "but" alone correct rather than "but also" or "but for"? Is the sentence fine as is?

[Parasaurolophus]

I'd say either 'but for' or 'but also for'. Otherwise, it seems fine.

[traductio]

I came across sentence construction in a student essay that might need correction but I'm not sure. The sentence is something on the order of: Therefore problems persist not only for the urban population but suburban commuters. Is "not only for" correct, or should it read "for not only"? Also, is the use of "but" alone correct rather than "but also" or "but for"? Is the sentence fine as is?

For sake of parallel construction, I'd add "also for" after the "but." The first only modifies "for the urban population," while in the original sentence, the second only modifies "suburban commuters," rather than "for suburban commuters." And to my mind, the "not only ... but also" formulation requires the "also" (which amplifies the "not" of the initial "not only.") So a better formed sentence would be: "Therefore problems persist not only for the urban population but also for suburban commuters."

My students' writing, however, is rarely good enough that I'd be paying attention to that level of detail.

ETA: Seems like Parasaurolophus is on the same page!

[mamselle]

Journalistic editing (ever seeking a lower word count), might say.

   "Therefore problems persist for both urban and suburban commuters."

Algebraic commutative and associative properties (identifying common terms and slipping them out) was the way my editor described it.

No loss of meaning; a column inch, or line, saved.

M.

[Hegemony]

But if you are paid by the word, "Therefore problems persist not only for the urban population but also for suburban commuters."

[mamselle]

Tee-hee.

One isn't, these days: your text is surgically sliced and diced if you don't take care to make it spare yourself...

;--}

M

[apl68]

But if you are paid by the word, "Therefore problems persist not only for the urban population but also for suburban commuters."

Or trying to fill a mandatory word count.

[MarathonRunner]

Tee-hee.

One isn't, these days: your text is surgically sliced and diced if you don't take care to make it spare yourself...

;--}

M

Not in the paper I just received from the copy editor! They added words, even though the original construction and their copy edit have exactly the same meaning! Boggled my mind, but whatever. For example "on the basis of" instead of our original "based on." In the context of the paper, they are the same.  In press, so I'm happy. One more first author pub even if the copy editing added more words! (There are more examples on this paper that I could give.)

Probably depends on journal and field.

[mamselle]

I was speaking of newsprint journalism.

M.