Single parent while being an academic

[Caracal]

This may also be dependent upon where you live - if you are in the US, some (but few) academic institutions do offer paid family leave including to cover the birth or adoption of a child, and some (but few) offer subsidized or free childcare. I am a partnered parent and do not have either of these things at my institution and it has been incredibly hard to parent while an academic. We here in the US give a lot of lip service to "family values" but don't actually value families outside of an imaginary idealized 1950s white christian heteronormative middle class version all that much.

I agree with the basic contours of what you're saying, but somewhere around two thirds of institutions do give parental leave of some sort.

[Caracal]

I'm sure it would be difficult, but having a kid is always difficult and there are no certainties. Unfortunately, deciding to have kids with someone else isn't a guarantee that they will always be there. I know people who didn't intend to become sole caregivers but ended up in that position for various reasons. I also know people who had a kid on their own and ended up with someone who took on full caregiving responsibilities. If it's what you want, you should do it, just make sure you have a clear eyed sense of what you are doing and why.

[marshwiggle]

I'm sure it would be difficult, but having a kid is always difficult and there are no certainties. Unfortunately, deciding to have kids with someone else isn't a guarantee that they will always be there. I know people who didn't intend to become sole caregivers but ended up in that position for various reasons. I also know people who had a kid on their own and ended up with someone who took on full caregiving responsibilities. If it's what you want, you should do it, just make sure you have a clear eyed sense of what you are doing and why.

If someone chooses to have a child on their own, they need to really think carefully about who to appoint as a guardian for the child if they die. And, in my opinion, that guardian should be in the child's life in some significant way so that it's not a total shock for the child if the guardian ever needs to take over.

[Istiblennius]

This may also be dependent upon where you live - if you are in the US, some (but few) academic institutions do offer paid family leave including to cover the birth or adoption of a child, and some (but few) offer subsidized or free childcare. I am a partnered parent and do not have either of these things at my institution and it has been incredibly hard to parent while an academic. We here in the US give a lot of lip service to "family values" but don't actually value families outside of an imaginary idealized 1950s white christian heteronormative middle class version all that much.

I agree with the basic contours of what you're saying, but somewhere around two thirds of institutions do give parental leave of some sort.

The leave of "some sort" is the crux. Paid or unpaid makes a big difference as does the length (federally mandated minimum or longer?)

[Caracal]

This may also be dependent upon where you live - if you are in the US, some (but few) academic institutions do offer paid family leave including to cover the birth or adoption of a child, and some (but few) offer subsidized or free childcare. I am a partnered parent and do not have either of these things at my institution and it has been incredibly hard to parent while an academic. We here in the US give a lot of lip service to "family values" but don't actually value families outside of an imaginary idealized 1950s white christian heteronormative middle class version all that much.

I agree with the basic contours of what you're saying, but somewhere around two thirds of institutions do give parental leave of some sort.

The leave of "some sort" is the crux. Paid or unpaid makes a big difference as does the length (federally mandated minimum or longer?)

I think that is paid, but yes, you're definitely right.

[Parasaurolophus]

My parental leave was paid--but instead of the 85% the contract specifies, HR interpreted things so that it was 35%. I'm still broke because of it, and have years to go before it's resolved in arbitration.

[Morden]

My parental leave was paid--but instead of the 85% the contract specifies, HR interpreted things so that it was 35%. I'm still broke because of it, and have years to go before it's resolved in arbitration.

That's horrible! You're at a Canadian institution--do you have a union grievance filed? (so at least you don't have to pay for the legal costs)

[Parasaurolophus]

My parental leave was paid--but instead of the 85% the contract specifies, HR interpreted things so that it was 35%. I'm still broke because of it, and have years to go before it's resolved in arbitration.

That's horrible! You're at a Canadian institution--do you have a union grievance filed? (so at least you don't have to pay for the legal costs)

Yes, the union is grieving it. But the process is projected to take years