Research leaves when spouse has 9-to-5

[rouroboros]

How does one take advantage of research leaves or visiting appointments for a semester or year when your spouse isn't mobile?  My spouse has a regular 9-to-5 job and isn't on an academic calendar, so that precludes my taking a Fulbright or residency at some institution out of state for a long period.

Has anyone successfully navigated a similar situation?  Or are we just ineligible for such opportunities?

[Liquidambar]

I spent my last sabbatical at another institution in my region.  It was kind of a long commute from my house, so I went there just 3 days a week.

Many people will spend a semester away even if their spouse can't accompany them, though.

[mamselle]

Do you have children or pets for whom you're responsible?

M.

[Hegemony]

Sometimes people go without their spouses.

[polly_mer]

Sometimes people go without their spouses.

This.  While the stories abound about how great it is for the whole family to go somewhere exotic, often people chose to go somewhere for research by themselves, especially for periods of only a semester.

If you don't have small children, then going for a term somewhere may be much easier than convincing someone to be a single parent.  Even then, some people are very supportive and can find a relative/friend to come stay for those months or hire extra help during that time.

[rouroboros]

Do you have children or pets for whom you're responsible?

M.

No children yet, and one needy dog.  I suppose with some convincing, a semester might be more negotiable, but I'm also thinking down the line when/if we have children and we'd like a to take advantage of a year-long residency somewhere else.  We're recently married, so it taking off for a semester/year seems less agreeable than if we've been married 20+ years already.

I guess the solution I'm hoping to find is hearing if others have spouses who were able to take one year leaves or something like that.  It's probably not possible in the corporate world, but the spouse works for the same institution as a non-academic.  Are there examples of institutions making accommodations for non-academic spouses?

[Caracal]

Well, keep in mind that this might make it a good time to do this. With no kids and a location you can travel to and from on weekends most of the time, a semester is not all that bad. Kids make it a really different sort of proposition.

[reener06]

Well, keep in mind that this might make it a good time to do this. With no kids and a location you can travel to and from on weekends most of the time, a semester is not all that bad. Kids make it a really different sort of proposition.

Yes. For the time being, I don't do fellowships or sabbaticals. I may take short (5 day?) research trips on my upcoming sabbatical, but mostly I'll stay home and work. We have one at college but another who is 8. I do fieldwork every other summer where I'm gone for 4 weeks, and that's all everyone can take.

I am considering applying for a Fulbright later when 8 year old is in college perhaps.

Other colleagues I know have spouses who are able to work remotely, but mine can't. One with young children did a Fulbright last year, and it was easier to do now, with a 3 and 5 year old and supportive, accompanying spouse who worked remotely, than when the kids are older. Most people on campus who do this have spouses who are also faculty and somehow can do the time away in the same place. Another colleague did a visiting thing at another university after kids were grown.

The university historically was set up as a male-oriented place, where men could go and leave wives to take care of children. That's not the world anymore, but the old system persists. The burden is heavier on women faculty. There are lots of things I don't apply for b/c spouse can't leave his job. And we can't do without his salary.

[simpleSimon]

Do you have children or pets for whom you're responsible?

M.

No children yet, and one needy dog.  I suppose with some convincing, a semester might be more negotiable, but I'm also thinking down the line when/if we have children and we'd like a to take advantage of a year-long residency somewhere else.  We're recently married, so it taking off for a semester/year seems less agreeable than if we've been married 20+ years already.

I guess the solution I'm hoping to find is hearing if others have spouses who were able to take one year leaves or something like that.  It's probably not possible in the corporate world, but the spouse works for the same institution as a non-academic.  Are there examples of institutions making accommodations for non-academic spouses?

Even if your spouse works for the same institution, I think looking for some sort of spousal accommodation here is misguided.  Taking a research leave, visiting appointment, or a sabbatical are all wonderful opportunities, but they are a personal undertaking.  In this scenario, the fact that you have a spouse is beyond the concern of the institution.  Many (academic) couples endure separations—even long term ones—and I do not think you will find many deans or provosts who will maneuver to accommodate this kind of two body problem because it is not a problem in the traditional sense.  I would not be receptive to such a request from faculty or professional staff.

If you were an actor filming a moving and you had to go on location in Asia or South America for a few months to shoot, your spouse (with a 9-5 job) would not typically join you.  We all make choices... we all make sacrifices for our careers... and sometimes we make sacrifices for the career of our spouse.  In the scheme of things a semester (or two) apart seems like small potatoes.  You say that your spouse's 9-5 job "precludes" your taking a Fulbright or other residency.  Why?  The only limit I see here is one of imagination.  I suspect many people in long distance relationships (temporary or permanent) wish they had your problem.

[apl68]

Do you have children or pets for whom you're responsible?

M.

No children yet, and one needy dog.  I suppose with some convincing, a semester might be more negotiable, but I'm also thinking down the line when/if we have children and we'd like a to take advantage of a year-long residency somewhere else.  We're recently married, so it taking off for a semester/year seems less agreeable than if we've been married 20+ years already.

I guess the solution I'm hoping to find is hearing if others have spouses who were able to take one year leaves or something like that.  It's probably not possible in the corporate world, but the spouse works for the same institution as a non-academic.  Are there examples of institutions making accommodations for non-academic spouses?

Even if your spouse works for the same institution, I think looking for some sort of spousal accommodation here is misguided.  Taking a research leave, visiting appointment, or a sabbatical are all wonderful opportunities, but they are a personal undertaking.  In this scenario, the fact that you have a spouse is beyond the concern of the institution.  Many (academic) couples endure separations—even long term ones—and I do not think you will find many deans or provosts who will maneuver to accommodate this kind of two body problem because it is not a problem in the traditional sense.  I would not be receptive to such a request from faculty or professional staff.

If you were an actor filming a moving and you had to go on location in Asia or South America for a few months to shoot, your spouse (with a 9-5 job) would not typically join you.  We all make choices... we all make sacrifices for our careers... and sometimes we make sacrifices for the career of our spouse.  In the scheme of things a semester (or two) apart seems like small potatoes.  You say that your spouse's 9-5 job "precludes" your taking a Fulbright or other residency.  Why?  The only limit I see here is one of imagination.  I suspect many people in long distance relationships (temporary or permanent) wish they had your problem.

Yes, this unfortunately is the reality.  When my mother spent summers abroad to develop study abroad opportunities for the students in her department, she couldn't take Dad with her.  They were able to agree between them that the temporary separation was worth it.  If you and your spouse don't feel it would be in your case, then that's your decision to make.  Either way, just make sure it's a decision you can both live with.

[mamselle]

When they were just newly married, my dad was offered a Fulbright to study at the London School of Economics.

When they found out it wouldn't pay enough to cover for my mom's travel and stay there, they turned it down.

From the time I was 5 or 6 (I was born 4 years after they married) I remember my mom rueing that decision.

"We didn't realize then that people took out loans for sillier reasons," she would say. "We should have gone."

She kept saying it up to the year she died, whenever the issue arose....

    N= 1 (or 2; my dad didn't say much about it, ever).

M.

[Caracal]

Yes, this unfortunately is the reality.  When my mother spent summers abroad to develop study abroad opportunities for the students in her department, she couldn't take Dad with her.  They were able to agree between them that the temporary separation was worth it.  If you and your spouse don't feel it would be in your case, then that's your decision to make.  Either way, just make sure it's a decision you can both live with.

And don't forget that even though the spouse isn't on an academic schedule you will still be. In the spring semester,  you can probably go home for a long weekend for MLK day, 11 days for Spring Break, etc. Its academia so once you're there you might find that nobody is going to care if you take off at lunch on Friday and head back home. Maybe your husband could take vacation time and come out for a week. A lot might depend on location, but when my spouse had a fellowship 5 hours away, we were able to alternate one of us driving every other weekend.

Probably this is just someone with a toddler talking, but while I didn't love living apart, it wasn't so bad. It just meant I got more crappy takeout and watched a lot of crummy tv. Now, it would mean asking someone to wrangle a tiny, adorable, exhausting monster all alone for significant periods of time.

[secundem_artem]

I've been away from spouse and dog for 6-12 months on 2 occasions, travel internationally regularly,  and am 2000 miles from home as I write this.  In my case, I have an incredibly supportive spouse.  Talk things over with your partner/spouse and see what they can tolerate.  Depending on where you are and your budget, you may be able come home for a weekend every month or two which can soften the impact.

[AvidReader]

And don't forget that even though the spouse isn't on an academic schedule you will still be. In the spring semester,  you can probably go home for a long weekend for MLK day, 11 days for Spring Break, etc. Its academia so once you're there you might find that nobody is going to care if you take off at lunch on Friday and head back home. Maybe your husband could take vacation time and come out for a week. A lot might depend on location, but when my spouse had a fellowship 5 hours away, we were able to alternate one of us driving every other weekend.

Yes--and, in addition, being on an academic schedule with a spouse who is on a differing schedule means that if the commute is reasonably priced, you can take long(er) trips home at the school holidays, and your spouse can come visit (depending on the amount of annual leave) in between.

I'll be away from my (very supportive) spouse this coming spring, but I am not limited by semester dates, so we've been able to plan a schedule of almost-monthly visits: a short trip home for me, then a trip by spouse to see me later on, and so forth. We'll have the occasional video call in between, but I've found in the past that having time alone to focus on my work, then taking a few days off to focus on time with my spouse, often means I accomplish more (and have better quality time with the spouse) than I would if I had to juggle work and family every day.

AR.

[bibliothecula]

I recently did a 6-month fellowship in a city far from my spouse and dog (we don't have children). My spouse works in industry--no leaves. But it was fine. We Skyped every night, he came to visit, and I went home for a couple of long weekends.