The Venting Thread

[Morden]

SCR, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your parents. There's no way that your mother should assault you physically; there's no way that both of them should assault you emotionally. They do not have your best interests at heart. You have accomplished a lot and should be proud of yourself. Please continue to enforce healthy boundaries.

[Puget]

I don't want to go completely no-contact with them, but the way they're still trying to control and manipulate me makes me so furious.

I'm very sorry SCR-- I don't know if it would help to hear an outside perspective from a stranger on the internet, but here's mine: what you are describing is abuse (besides the emotional abuse she literally hit you!), and it really sounds like you would be better off going completely no contact. Not necessarily forever, but at least for now. At least give yourself the chance to see how you feel after not having any contact with them for a month or two, then you can re-evaluate. 

[mythbuster]

Stand firm, Smallcleanrat. You are an adult and get to make your own decisions about your health and your life. Being physically hit would be a deal breaker for me and would be the explanation for not visiting.

I hope the cats are providing appropriate comic and soothing relief.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

I don't want to go completely no-contact with them, but the way they're still trying to control and manipulate me makes me so furious.

I'm very sorry SCR-- I don't know if it would help to hear an outside perspective from a stranger on the internet, but here's mine: what you are describing is abuse (besides the emotional abuse she literally hit you!), and it really sounds like you would be better off going completely no contact. Not necessarily forever, but at least for now. At least give yourself the chance to see how you feel after not having any contact with them for a month or two, then you can re-evaluate. 

This!!! Just because they birthed you doesn't mean they have the right to assault you and control you. Do they treat other people this way? Probably not. I agree 100% to keep your distance from them (at least for now). Hopefully, they will mature enough to recognize that you are in control over yourself- not them.

[Larimar]

Stand firm, Smallcleanrat. You are an adult and get to make your own decisions about your health and your life. Being physically hit would be a deal breaker for me and would be the explanation for not visiting.

I hope the cats are providing appropriate comic and soothing relief.

I don't want to go completely no-contact with them, but the way they're still trying to control and manipulate me makes me so furious.

I'm very sorry SCR-- I don't know if it would help to hear an outside perspective from a stranger on the internet, but here's mine: what you are describing is abuse (besides the emotional abuse she literally hit you!), and it really sounds like you would be better off going completely no contact. Not necessarily forever, but at least for now. At least give yourself the chance to see how you feel after not having any contact with them for a month or two, then you can re-evaluate. 

This!!! Just because they birthed you doesn't mean they have the right to assault you and control you. Do they treat other people this way? Probably not. I agree 100% to keep your distance from them (at least for now). Hopefully, they will mature enough to recognize that you are in control over yourself- not them.

+1 to these. No one can know better than you what is good for you, SCR. Keep doing what you need to do. You have the support of many Forumites.

[apl68]

The thought of somebody contemplating estrangement from family members is a heartbreaking one.  However, if it has come to actual physical abuse, you would be well justified in at least avoiding face-to-face contact, and greatly limiting contact of any sort.

[fishbrains]

Having an SO should have some advantages, and one of those advantages is that they can step up and be the Fall Guy when dealing with your family--as in they should step in and tell your parents they can't hit you and you will not have any contact with them for a while. If they call (and they will with numerous "emergencies"), just give the SO the phone to repeat the message.

I had to do this once with some of my wife's family because they would not leave her alone about something to the point of being abusive. I don't  think it was a "damsel in distress" scenario (my wife doesn't need my rescue), but someone had to step in and say "Back the f*ck off!" and I was the best person, strategically in terms of family dynamics, to do this.

So there's more free advice for you.

[clean]

It is unfortunate that SCR's mother is not sleeping from worry over the treatment her doctors prescribed.  Perhaps SCR can give her the name of a therapist/MD that can help her mom overcome the problem she has developed!  (It is, after all, HER problem!) 

Unless i had said something deserving of a slap, (and even then)  I dont think that I would stay in the house, or put myself in proximity for such treatment again.

Stay Strong SCR!  Do what you have to do.  It is YOUR health, and only you can protect it.

Good Luck!

[apl68]

Our network server has been giving more and more trouble for months now.  Today it flaked out on us completely.  We spent a couple of hours unable to get anything done at work, or properly assist patrons.  Our out-of-town IT contractor was able to get us patched up remotely.  He's supposed to come work with us on-site in a couple of days.  We've been trying to get him here for awhile now.

[Parasaurolophus]

I'm so sorry, SCR.

For my part, I'm going to whine that I'm sick again--with exactly the same thing I had two weeks ago. The rest of the household is almost over their second bout, so I thought I'd be indestructible. Nope nope nope.

[Wahoo Redux]

The thought of somebody contemplating estrangement from family members is a heartbreaking one.  However, if it has come to actual physical abuse, you would be well justified in at least avoiding face-to-face contact, and greatly limiting contact of any sort.

I came here to vent about StubHub but see that the conversation has turned to actual, serious problems.  Apl hit the nail on the head.

SCR, I can only say I'm sorry you had to deal with this.  I say this as someone who had to get a restraining order to protect my dementia-ridden mother and then completely cut a family member out of my life because of abuse, manipulation, threats, and hysterical behavior. My situation was different from yours, but the core problems are the same.

There is something pathologically wrong with your folks that they feel they must do what they do----in their minds they are the victims.  Nothing will change.  You are within your rights and doing the right thing to keep them as far away from you as you can as painful as that is. 

Peace be with you and be strong.  You are in the right.

[bio-nonymous]

STUDENTS, I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL IT SUPPORT GUY!!!!! Figure it out, go online, call actual IT, whatever! It is not my job to figure out your individual technology issues...

[apl68]

My ears have been hurting off and on for two days now.  At the moment my right ear aches so much I can hardly concentrate on what I'm trying to do.

[fleabite]

My ears have been hurting off and on for two days now.  At the moment my right ear aches so much I can hardly concentrate on what I'm trying to do.

Sorry to hear that. Have you seen a doctor? Strep throat can cause a nasty earache.

[AmLitHist]

STUDENTS, I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL IT SUPPORT GUY!!!!! Figure it out, go online, call actual IT, whatever! It is not my job to figure out your individual technology issues...

Nor is it my job to teach you how to use Canvas! You're automatically enrolled in the "Learning Online at [college]" class, and you've got more "help" links available than you can shake a stick at. Figure it out.