Topic: Bang Your Head on Your Desk - the thread of teaching despair!

[FishProf]

In my classes (especially the online one) I use online quizzes to keep everyone on task and get a feel for class progress.  When I have students with time accommodations, they need a way to know that the quiz time for them has been extended appropriately.  So, I give them the accommodation rounded up to the next Prime number (i.e 10 minutes becomes 17, 15 becomes 23, etc).  After three days of back and forth with a student who is despairing over being sure her quizzes are the right length, I sent this: "As I have stated, when you look at the time allowed for the quiz, IF it is a PRIME number, then the quiz has been set correctly for you".

Of course, I get the response: "What is a Prime number"? 

Oh dear student, if you had typed that into Google instead of your email, you'd already know the answer.

[Aster]

We're in week three of the term.

Stu Dent comes up to me after class and wants to know if he has to take the final exam.

Me: "Yes. Final exams are mandatory."

Stu Dent: "I will be out of the country two weeks before then. Can't you set something up for me?" Yeah, he actually used those words.

Me: "No. The final exam schedule is on the syllabus. I do not even *make* the final exam until after the last class meeting of the term has finished. If you did not intend to be here at the end of the term, you should not have signed up for this course."

I suppose I'll have to see if he's got legit documentation for leaving the country. But dang, jumping me at the end of class and asking for special treatment over the final exam was not the ideal way to get a desirable outcome.

[mamselle]

Hold firm.

M.

[mythbuster]

Offer that he could take a final exam 3 weeks early. Just use one from a previous year. I tell students they can always take exams early, since the penalty is baked right in.

[Parasaurolophus]

Stu Dent argues that he absolutely needs to be in my class to maintain his study permit eligibility because he dropped another class in favour of mine on the assumption that he would get in. *facepalm*

Worse, he made the assumption he'd get in the day after add/drop, when my waitlist went from 35 students (down from 75!) to him and someone else. *facepalm again*

(Why the waitlist doesn't automatically go to 0 after add/drop, I don't know.)

[Aster]

Offer that he could take a final exam 3 weeks early. Just use one from a previous year. I tell students they can always take exams early, since the penalty is baked right in.

If word of that were to get out, at least 20% of the student body at Big Urban College would demand that they be allowed to take their final exams early.

And Big Urban College would have a seizure over students not meeting their minimum course contact hours. The administration is extremely anal about that.

And then most of the faculty would use this as an excuse to no longer hold final exams. We already have a significant problem with a lot of professors who frequently cancel classes without administrative approval, especially near the end of term.

College policy is for all faculty to hold final exams, and to hold those exams at specified calendar times that cap off the contact hour requirement. I think that the college does this specifically in response to irresponsible professor behaviors (not holding finals) and to protect faculty against coercion from students.

[EdnaMode]

Dear Dr. Mode,

I know in the instructions on Canvas it said to do [very particular and necessary thing]. But I did [something it specifically said not to do]. Is that why I am getting this error message [includes screen grab]? Can you help me with this?

Best regards,

Stu

AARRRRGGGGHHH!!! At least he was polite about it. But he's a senior. He should have learned how to read and follow instructions by now.

[Cheerful]

And then most of the faculty would use this as an excuse to no longer hold final exams. We already have a significant problem with a lot of professors who frequently cancel classes without administrative approval, especially near the end of term.

College policy is for all faculty to hold final exams, and to hold those exams at specified calendar times that cap off the contact hour requirement. I think that the college does this specifically in response to irresponsible professor behaviors (not holding finals) and to protect faculty against coercion from students.

Is it a significant problem if it helps the college move away from the mandatory final exam policy?  Other than fulfilling the contact hours requirement, why is it so important for every course to have a final exam? Why not let faculty choose what requirements are best for their own courses?  Couldn't the hours requirement be fulfilled by using another class activity?

[FishProf]

And then most of the faculty would use this as an excuse to no longer hold final exams. We already have a significant problem with a lot of professors who frequently cancel classes without administrative approval, especially near the end of term.

College policy is for all faculty to hold final exams, and to hold those exams at specified calendar times that cap off the contact hour requirement. I think that the college does this specifically in response to irresponsible professor behaviors (not holding finals) and to protect faculty against coercion from students.

Is it a significant problem if it helps the college move away from the mandatory final exam policy?  Other than fulfilling the contact hours requirement, why is it so important for every course to have a final exam? Why not let faculty choose what requirements are best for their own courses?  Couldn't the hours requirement be fulfilled by using another class activity?

I think "final exam" in this case can be read "final exam or other culminating experience".  I certainly have used the final exam period for presentations of semester long work.

[Aster]

And then most of the faculty would use this as an excuse to no longer hold final exams. We already have a significant problem with a lot of professors who frequently cancel classes without administrative approval, especially near the end of term.

College policy is for all faculty to hold final exams, and to hold those exams at specified calendar times that cap off the contact hour requirement. I think that the college does this specifically in response to irresponsible professor behaviors (not holding finals) and to protect faculty against coercion from students.

Is it a significant problem if it helps the college move away from the mandatory final exam policy?  Other than fulfilling the contact hours requirement, why is it so important for every course to have a final exam? Why not let faculty choose what requirements are best for their own courses?  Couldn't the hours requirement be fulfilled by using another class activity?

We're not a high quality institution. Most of our professors are part-timers that string together other part-time teaching gigs across four counties. We have a lot of professors that don't come to class, stop the terms early, are late to class, don't answer emails, etc...

Many of our tenure track professors do the same thing. String together extra jobs at other institutions, stop the terms early, are late to class, don't answer emails, etc...

Ive long observed an inverse relationship between the quality of an academic institution and the overall bureaucracy and red tape of the institution. At low-quality institutions with a lot of bureaucracy, much of the bureaucracy is required just to hold a minimum level of basic accountability of college employees.

Mandatory final exams are one of the lines in the sand that Big Urban College has made to keep the bad professors more accountable. Having worked here for a while, I can't really disagree with the reasoning anymore.

[the_geneticist]

We're in week three of the term.

Stu Dent comes up to me after class and wants to know if he has to take the final exam.

Me: "Yes. Final exams are mandatory."

Stu Dent: "I will be out of the country two weeks before then. Can't you set something up for me?" Yeah, he actually used those words.

Me: "No. The final exam schedule is on the syllabus. I do not even *make* the final exam until after the last class meeting of the term has finished. If you did not intend to be here at the end of the term, you should not have signed up for this course."

I suppose I'll have to see if he's got legit documentation for leaving the country. But dang, jumping me at the end of class and asking for special treatment over the final exam was not the ideal way to get a desirable outcome.

I'd smile and say "Sure!  If you are passing the class when it's time for the final, then you take an Incomplete and take the final exam when you return.  Please send me documentation of your confirmed travel plans no later than [date]."  Contact their academic advisor to let them know about this student's plans.  They may be hoping to somehow just skip out on a huge chunk of all of their classes with no repercussions. 

[teach_write_research]

My brain needs a solid break from critically evaluating student work, even if it's just whether their answer is correct or wrong.

back to grading...

[RatGuy]

I suspected that some students weren't taking notes or doing the reading for this course, but the answers on the first exam are surprisingly bad.

Q: Define "Visible Sanctity" and explain how it applies to Rowlandson's captivity narrative?

A: She's a liar and everyone knows that she's a liar but now she's in the public eye and we know it.

Q: List some of the main tenets of Enlightenment thinking and explain how either Paine or Franklin demonstrate those tenets.

A: Paine says that we should do what makes us feel good, like Buddhism.

Q: What was the spiritual and emotional movement that arose in the 1730s in response to Enlightenment thinking?

A: Somnambulism

Q: Where does Crevecouer argue that Americans get their "goodness and virtue?"

A: In the essay.

Q: Define "perverse" and explain how it applies to Charles Brockden Brown's story?

A: Charles says that we have to perverse our way of life and make America great again

.

[writingprof]

We're not a high quality institution. Most of our professors are part-timers that string together other part-time teaching gigs across four counties. We have a lot of professors that don't come to class, stop the terms early, are late to class, don't answer emails, etc...

Many of our tenure track professors do the same thing. String together extra jobs at other institutions, stop the terms early, are late to class, don't answer emails, etc...

Ive long observed an inverse relationship between the quality of an academic institution and the overall bureaucracy and red tape of the institution. At low-quality institutions with a lot of bureaucracy, much of the bureaucracy is required just to hold a minimum level of basic accountability of college employees.

This is very true, in my experience.  Every dollar saved by the elimination of tenure-track appointments gets spent on yet more administrators to make the adjuncts play nice.  On the other hand, college exists to provide an outlet for administrative work (right?), so carry on.

[present_mirth]

I suspected that some students weren't taking notes or doing the reading for this course, but the answers on the first exam are surprisingly bad.

Q: Define "Visible Sanctity" and explain how it applies to Rowlandson's captivity narrative?

A: She's a liar and everyone knows that she's a liar but now she's in the public eye and we know it.

Q: List some of the main tenets of Enlightenment thinking and explain how either Paine or Franklin demonstrate those tenets.

A: Paine says that we should do what makes us feel good, like Buddhism.

Q: What was the spiritual and emotional movement that arose in the 1730s in response to Enlightenment thinking?

A: Somnambulism

Q: Where does Crevecouer argue that Americans get their "goodness and virtue?"

A: In the essay.

Q: Define "perverse" and explain how it applies to Charles Brockden Brown's story?

A: Charles says that we have to perverse our way of life and make America great again

.

OMG. At least the third one sounds like the student was making a joke on purpose, but the others ... ouch.