Topic: Bang Your Head on Your Desk - the thread of teaching despair!

[artalot]

Stu: were we supposed to compare those two [things] in the compare/contrast essay? Because I just talked about one.
Me (to myself): this is the third quiz; every quiz has had the same exact format. Both [things] were pictured in this quiz and below them was the question that read: Compare/Contrast Essay: Discuss X concept in these two [things]. Provide specific examples from each [thing].
Me (to the student): Yes, you needed to compare both. Try not to worry, there are X additional quiz opportunities.
Me (in my office): headdesk

[mamselle]

I remember comparison/contrast essays....

Yep, I do.

Such fun!

Be of ggod courage...

M.

[FishProf]

My administration sent an email encouraging us to give extra credit (which I don't do) to students who attend a mental health fair on campus.   Somehow, students have gotten ahold of this email and are trying to strong-arm me into giving them the extra-credit.  They think I "have to" because my boss "said so".

On no, precious ones.  The counseling office isn't my boss.  Go talk to my Dean about this.  Go ahead.  I dare you.

[the_geneticist]

My administration sent an email encouraging us to give extra credit (which I don't do) to students who attend a mental health fair on campus.   Somehow, students have gotten ahold of this email and are trying to strong-arm me into giving them the extra-credit.  They think I "have to" because my boss "said so".

On no, precious ones.  The counseling office isn't my boss.  Go talk to my Dean about this.  Go ahead.  I dare you.

Wow.  Someone didn't think through this suggestion.  What happened to bribing students with free swag to get them to attend events? (Food! Shirts! Pens! Enter to win an iPad!)

[fosca]

Stu Dent: "I read on the internet that this vocabulary word also means this. Would you change the exam question to make it more clear?"

I check Stu Dent's pasted weblink. He has sourced an article from a different academic sub-discipline. The linked article is also meant for schoolteachers to use, in a highly specific context for that audience.

Me: "This is why we have a mandatory textbook."

I had a student a few years back who didn't want to read the text, so he watched random videos on YouTube about the topic.  Needless to say, he didn't do well in the class. 

I currently have students that can't quite understand how my discipline's definition of vocabulary terms might be more complicated than the English meaning of the words that make up the terms.  I think some still don't quite get it, more than halfway through the semester.

[quasihumanist]

Stu Dent: "I read on the internet that this vocabulary word also means this. Would you change the exam question to make it more clear?"

I check Stu Dent's pasted weblink. He has sourced an article from a different academic sub-discipline. The linked article is also meant for schoolteachers to use, in a highly specific context for that audience.

Me: "This is why we have a mandatory textbook."

I had a student a few years back who didn't want to read the text, so he watched random videos on YouTube about the topic.  Needless to say, he didn't do well in the class. 

I currently have students that can't quite understand how my discipline's definition of vocabulary terms might be more complicated than the English meaning of the words that make up the terms.  I think some still don't quite get it, more than halfway through the semester.

Seriously - Judaism, Hinduism, and Islam all believe that words have a single fixed meaning that was determined at the beginning of time.  That means there is no such thing as field-specific meanings of terms.  Words mean exactly what God meant them to mean and nothing else.  (Okay, this only applies to Hebrew, Sanskrit, and Arabic respectively, and I'm taking this doctrine way out of context to make a point.)

[qualiyah]

Stu Dent: "I read on the internet that this vocabulary word also means this. Would you change the exam question to make it more clear?"

I check Stu Dent's pasted weblink. He has sourced an article from a different academic sub-discipline. The linked article is also meant for schoolteachers to use, in a highly specific context for that audience.

Me: "This is why we have a mandatory textbook."

I had a student a few years back who didn't want to read the text, so he watched random videos on YouTube about the topic.  Needless to say, he didn't do well in the class. 

I currently have students that can't quite understand how my discipline's definition of vocabulary terms might be more complicated than the English meaning of the words that make up the terms.  I think some still don't quite get it, more than halfway through the semester.

I let students in my Ethics class bring a notecard to the final, and I give them a review sheet in advance with all the topics they should know, including a list of vocabulary words. There are always a few who just look up the vocab words online instead of using the course materials, which can be entertaining. I use "Objectivist" to mean "someone who thinks there are objective truths about morality," but if you google it, what you'll find is information on the views of Ayn Rand, which the students will then dutifully copy down on their notecards....

[ergative]

Stu Dent: "I read on the internet that this vocabulary word also means this. Would you change the exam question to make it more clear?"

I check Stu Dent's pasted weblink. He has sourced an article from a different academic sub-discipline. The linked article is also meant for schoolteachers to use, in a highly specific context for that audience.

Me: "This is why we have a mandatory textbook."

I had a student a few years back who didn't want to read the text, so he watched random videos on YouTube about the topic.  Needless to say, he didn't do well in the class. 

I currently have students that can't quite understand how my discipline's definition of vocabulary terms might be more complicated than the English meaning of the words that make up the terms.  I think some still don't quite get it, more than halfway through the semester.

I once had a student tell me, in genuine surprise, 'Wow, this is making me rethink stuff I learned in kindergarten!' It took a lot of self control to do nothing more than remark, mildly, 'Well, yes, we do approach these topics at a higher level in college.'

[marshwiggle]

Stu Dent: "I read on the internet that this vocabulary word also means this. Would you change the exam question to make it more clear?"

I check Stu Dent's pasted weblink. He has sourced an article from a different academic sub-discipline. The linked article is also meant for schoolteachers to use, in a highly specific context for that audience.

Me: "This is why we have a mandatory textbook."

I had a student a few years back who didn't want to read the text, so he watched random videos on YouTube about the topic.  Needless to say, he didn't do well in the class. 

I currently have students that can't quite understand how my discipline's definition of vocabulary terms might be more complicated than the English meaning of the words that make up the terms.  I think some still don't quite get it, more than halfway through the semester.

I once had a student tell me, in genuine surprise, 'Wow, this is making me rethink stuff I learned in kindergarten!' It took a lot of self control to do nothing more than remark, mildly, 'Well, yes, we do approach these topics at a higher level in college.'

I think younger people, in addition to physical and emotional bubble wrap, have been raised in intellectual bubble wrap as well. Any question is expected to have a definitive right answer which can be googled. Many students are really baffled when they do an experiment and I ask them "What does your data indicate?", especially when I imply that different people could get data which would have different interpretations. (Which is kind of funny for people who have been indoctrinated about the importance of different peoples' "realities" and "lived experiences"). But they really do expect the prof to both have and give the "right answer".

[apl68]

Stu Dent: "I read on the internet that this vocabulary word also means this. Would you change the exam question to make it more clear?"

I check Stu Dent's pasted weblink. He has sourced an article from a different academic sub-discipline. The linked article is also meant for schoolteachers to use, in a highly specific context for that audience.

Me: "This is why we have a mandatory textbook."

I had a student a few years back who didn't want to read the text, so he watched random videos on YouTube about the topic.  Needless to say, he didn't do well in the class. 

I currently have students that can't quite understand how my discipline's definition of vocabulary terms might be more complicated than the English meaning of the words that make up the terms.  I think some still don't quite get it, more than halfway through the semester.

I once had a student tell me, in genuine surprise, 'Wow, this is making me rethink stuff I learned in kindergarten!' It took a lot of self control to do nothing more than remark, mildly, 'Well, yes, we do approach these topics at a higher level in college.'

I think younger people, in addition to physical and emotional bubble wrap, have been raised in intellectual bubble wrap as well. Any question is expected to have a definitive right answer which can be googled. Many students are really baffled when they do an experiment and I ask them "What does your data indicate?", especially when I imply that different people could get data which would have different interpretations. (Which is kind of funny for people who have been indoctrinated about the importance of different peoples' "realities" and "lived experiences"). But they really do expect the prof to both have and give the "right answer".

They definitely tend to have been spoon-fed a lot of "this is THE right answer" stuff.  Mainly because their performance on standardized tests is so desperately important.  Most American K-12 education is teach-for-the-test stuff now.

[FishProf]

Midterm essay exam: One student Marie Kondoed everything. 

I can't award you points if you don't write anything!

The ONE question that had a word limit she overshot by 250%.

[the_geneticist]

Exam just started.  And every single copy of one of the versions was missing a page.  Not how I wanted my Monday to start. 
Thankfully, a student noticed right away & we got the missing page copied & handed out, but oof.

[OneMoreYear]

Dear PITA student,
I am not your personal tutor. I am not at your beck and call. It is not reasonable for me to meet with you twice on the same day to discuss the same assignment. It is not reasonable for you to send an email after business hours requesting I meet with you that evening. I spend twice as much time dealing with you than the other 29 students in that class put together. No, just no.

[AmLitHist]

Dear PITA student,
I am not your personal tutor. I am not at your beck and call. It is not reasonable for me to meet with you twice on the same day to discuss the same assignment. It is not reasonable for you to send an email after business hours requesting I meet with you that evening. I spend twice as much time dealing with you than the other 29 students in that class put together. No, just no.

I've had a couple like this already this fall.  I quickly set them straight.

[FishProf]

Students, when I send you a detailed email for how to set-up your conference, including a BLUE HYPERLINK for the scheduling app, I am not going to be happy if you email me to ask  "So when do you want to meet?"