Topic: Bang Your Head on Your Desk - the thread of teaching despair!

[apl68]

Students, when I send you a detailed email for how to set-up your conference, including a BLUE HYPERLINK for the scheduling app, I am not going to be happy if you email me to ask  "So when do you want to meet?"

I was once acquainted with a large extended family whose members never, as nearly as I can remember, simply complied with any request made by another.  Whenever asked (or more often ordered--there wasn't a lot of polite asking done in this family) to do something, a family member would at a minimum demand that the question be repeated.  This would usually be followed by a request for clarification--phrased in such a way as to insinuate that the requester didn't know what he or she was talking about in making the request--a promise to comply with the request at the requested's convenience, or a suggested modification of the requested action.  Or any combination of the above. 

They did this so consistently that I suspect that they often didn't even realize they were doing it.  It was just ingrained in them automatically to turn any request into a negotiation, as if to simply and cheerfully fulfill a request would involve a loss of face.  I think perhaps something similar is going on with many posters' students.  Asking these sorts of questions about assignments is so ingrained into them that they may not even realize they're doing it.  They just automatically open their mouths (or keyboards) and it comes out.

[the_geneticist]

Students, the time to ask "one last question" about the materials on the exam is NOT after the exam has started! 
TAs, I should not have had to go into your class and say "The exam started 5 minutes ago.  No more review questions."

[Liquidambar]

A student came up to me in the middle of our midterm (breathing his germs all over me) to say that he was sick with a fever and needed to go to student health.  Yes, go, I told him.  No need to finish or turn in the midterm.  Your final exam will replace the midterm.

Did he leave?  No.  He stayed for the rest of the exam period, looking pathetic and contaminating the room.

What was the point of all this?  Was I supposed to say, "Sure, go to student health.  I'll just give you an A right now"?

[Stockmann]

Today I handed back some quizzes, and a student approached me saying she'd missed the quiz because she had a problem with Thursday quizzes. I asked her what the problem was, and she said the problem is that we don't have class on Thursdays. I assured her that yes, we did, and urged her to check the official class schedule.  She then mentioned something about the class being Algebra something something - I told her the class is Intro Basketweaving I. She then checked something on her phone and promptly left. I distinctly remember saying "Welcome to Intro Basketweaving I" on the first day of class, I guess she wasn't there, wasn't listening or didn't believe me.

[Harlow2]

Today I handed back some quizzes, and a student approached me saying she'd missed the quiz because she had a problem with Thursday quizzes. I asked her what the problem was, and she said the problem is that we don't have class on Thursdays. I assured her that yes, we did, and urged her to check the official class schedule.  She then mentioned something about the class being Algebra something something - I told her the class is Intro Basketweaving I. She then checked something on her phone and promptly left. I distinctly remember saying "Welcome to Intro Basketweaving I" on the first day of class, I guess she wasn't there, wasn't listening or didn't believe me.

Unless you're on the quarter system this is around 8 weeks into the semester..  I used to have nightmares about realizing halfway through the semester that I'd never shown up for the right class, but she's actually done it.

[the_geneticist]

We are on quarters and it's week 6 here.  I had a panicked student ask for help finding one of the big lecture halls yesterday. Pretty sure they had a midterm and had never bothered to go to class in person.

[Stockmann]

Today I handed back some quizzes, and a student approached me saying she'd missed the quiz because she had a problem with Thursday quizzes. I asked her what the problem was, and she said the problem is that we don't have class on Thursdays. I assured her that yes, we did, and urged her to check the official class schedule.  She then mentioned something about the class being Algebra something something - I told her the class is Intro Basketweaving I. She then checked something on her phone and promptly left. I distinctly remember saying "Welcome to Intro Basketweaving I" on the first day of class, I guess she wasn't there, wasn't listening or didn't believe me.

Unless you're on the quarter system this is around 8 weeks into the semester..  I used to have nightmares about realizing halfway through the semester that I'd never shown up for the right class, but she's actually done it.

We are on the quarter system but classes still started weeks ago - so not quite as bad as halfway through a semester but still. We do do a lot of algebra in this class, but you'd think she would've noticed it wasn't the right course - I'd be a lot more sympathetic if it were the right course but wrong section kind of thing.

[dr_evil]

I am so fried this semester - too much going on in my personal life and students that seem to be daring me to fail them in one section. Their average was 10% less than the other section on the most recent exam. One of the students didn't tell me that directly, but I've heard them stirring up trouble by talking about how no one did well on the exam. Interestingly enough, the highest score was also in that section.

[EdnaMode]

Maybe this could also go in the things I wish I could say...

Dear Stu,

You cheated on the exam. I caught you. Now I have to fill out forms. But, you SUCK at cheating, you still only earned 50% on the exam. You were already failing the course. Why bother cheating? Even a 100% on everything for the rest of the semester would barely earn you a passing grade. Seriously. Thanks ever so much for making me do more work, but I am not going to let this go.

Not at all sincerely yours,

Dr. Mode

[FishProf]

After a two hour chalk talk, I remarked "OK.  That's it for today.  Too bad for the students who were absent, but per the syllabus, they may email you for your notes..."

And a student seriously replied "Wait!  We were supposed to take notes?"

This is a class where the average on the midterm was 61 and the high score was 81 on an OPEN-NOTE essay eaxam.

I guess they just won't learn from experience.

[the_geneticist]

If you miss a lab, there is an online form to request to attend another lab*.  It says to list "all lab sections that same week" that you can attend.  There is even a link to the class schedule.
There are no labs on Fridays for [Basketweaving 101].  Stop asking if you can "make-up the lab on Friday".  No, you cannot make-up week 4 by going to lab twice in week 6.  No, there are no labs on weekends either.  No, you cannot attend [Basketweaving 101 lab] to make up for missing [Basketweaving 104 lab]!

Time for the "revise and resubmit" response to any emails asking to make-up labs in ways that do not exist.

I think we've hitting the panic part of the quarter where students realize that skipping class = losing points.

*or complete an alternate assignment if they are sick and need to isolate.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

One of my pain-in-the-ass students decided to turn in a lab report nine days late. Oh well, you just lost 90% of your grade. I don't know how many times I tell them that there is a 10% loss each day. This student will find out the hard way and I'm sure I'll get a large dose of emotional manipulating language, which I really don't want to deal with. I'm way too overwhelmed at the moment. Even if I weren't overwhelmed- I wouldn't want to deal with it.

[the_geneticist]

Say "Thank you for turning in your lab report.  I'm always happy to give feedback!  Please see the syllabus for the policy on late assignments."
No need to discuss.

[OneMoreYear]

Banging my head on myself. Teaching a class for the 1st time. Last assignment indicates that clearly the class is much more lost that I had realized in the previous assignment. As it's a good portion of them, it's likely on me.  I've got 4 more weeks to clear up some major problems and teach the last set of material. You know how we want to tell students the only way to salvage the semester at this point is to build a time machine? Yep, I'm in need of a time machine.

[Hegemony]

OneMoreYear, we've all been there! Salvage what you can, make notes for next year, take a nap!