Weird experience for me

[kittywithastripe]

Never had anything like this happen before, in my 28 years of teaching.

A student (bright, participates well in class, shows promise) was coming to my office way too often to "chat" (mostly to vent about the stress of school and life). Late last week, she started coming to my office at every posted office hour and even waited for me after class. When I had students in my office, she would wait in the lobby area outside my suite of offices. She was monopolizing my time, preventing other students from having access to me, and keeping me from my work.

This morning she was waiting in the lobby outside my office as I was coming in. I had my talk prepared. She took it just fine, and I had a day of productivity again after almost a week of her constant visits.

I nipped it in the bud before it went on too long, but I hated having to talk to her about it. I don't want her to feel bad but I just couldn't let it continue.

She has one more semester of classes and two of her classes are with me. They are required courses for her program, and I'm the only one who teaches those particular courses. Small department. I'm hoping she got the message enough that I won't have to have the talk with her again.

[Parasaurolophus]

Crushing?

Regardless, that seems like a pretty uncomfortable conversation to have. Well done!

[Aster]

What you are describing is somewhat rare at most institutions. It is more common at SLAC's, where the student-professor dynamic is supposed to be more personal.

But I think that this can happen to anyone, where some random student just gets it into his/her head that professor's offices are coffee shops.

One of my cousins did this to one of his professors, spending hours sometimes each week in the professor's office chatting about whatever. This was at an elite SLAC.  My cousin's view (he frequently bragged about it) was of a very positive experience. Judging from the total aggregate amount of office hours chats that my cousin received, I presumed that the professor was amenable to allowing the service actions to continue.

Much depends on the availability of the professor to what may be frivolous socializing.

[Wahoo Redux]

Sometimes we are stand-ins for actual relationships. 

Students can be lonely and, if we are not the intimidating professor type, we are safe companions because talking to students is our job.

Never had one this bad, but I have had students make me uncomfortable with their chumminess.  This semester I have a student who is excessively worried about how red my eyes are and asks every class how my allergies are doing, in front of the class no less.  Just needs a friend, I think.

[miss jane marple]

Are you in the US? I hope the day will not come when you say to yourself, "Why oh why did I not have a third person present during that conversation, and why oh why did I not explain this situation in detail to <my department chair> <the dean> <someone else in authority> before having that conversation?"

[Caracal]

Are you in the US? I hope the day will not come when you say to yourself, "Why oh why did I not have a third person present during that conversation, and why oh why did I not explain this situation in detail to <my department chair> <the dean> <someone else in authority> before having that conversation?"

I really doubt this is going to lead into any sort of problem.

My only question was whether the OP had spoken to the student in more specific terms. Before I had a general conversation, I would have tried to address what was happening in the moment. After a minute or two of talk, "Well, I better finish up with getting ready for class" or if she was in the lobby when you walked in "Oh, hi, did you have a question about the project?" Well, I've actually got a bunch of students who said they were coming by today, and I want to make sure I get to everybody on that." Or , "I actually need to talk about the admin with something while I keep an eye on the door to make sure nobody is there, so see you later!"

I would only have moved on to an awkward conversation if none of this worked. I actually would assume this is probably just a spectrumey student who just didn't pick up on the social cues you were sending. I'm not sure I agree with MJM that you have to be that careful about laying out very normal and sensible boundaries. My impression is that many people with difficulty interpreting social cues prefer for others to be direct and clear about how they wish to interact with them.