bad puns and dad jokes

[fishbrains]

A pirate captain was afraid his ship would be stolen when he went out, so he put the steering wheel in his pants, and he awkwardly waddled towards the bar.

He staggers into the pub and his mates say, "Arrrgggghhh! Captain Bob, ye have ye helm in ye pants!"

The captain replies, "Ay, me mateys. It's a drivin' me nuts!"














[Don't forget to tip your server . . . ]

[Parasaurolophus]

For the Francophiles in the crowd:

What happened to the three French cats on the Titanic?

Un, deux, trois cat sank.

My dad likes the one about the Spanish Magician. He said "uno.... dos...." then disappeared without a trace.

Hehehe. I use that one as an example all the time in one of my classes. :)

[kiana]

Did you hear about the pirate who went to alpha centauri and spent more than 4 years at c?

[Larimar]

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.  No joke.

I really like this one!

[Larimar]

Mr. Larimar is the author of this one, and I use it in class on grammar day:


Some conjunctions walk into a bar.

The bartender stops them and says, "You guys have to leave. We don't serve conjunctions here."

The conjunctions protest, "What? We're not going to cause any trouble! We just want to have a drink and hang out for a while!"

The bartender shakes his head. "Nope. We don't serve conjunctions. You guys need to get out of here now. No ifs, ands, or buts."


Larimar

[onehappyunicorn]

Mr. Larimar is the author of this one, and I use it in class on grammar day:


Some conjunctions walk into a bar.

The bartender stops them and says, "You guys have to leave. We don't serve conjunctions here."

The conjunctions protest, "What? We're not going to cause any trouble! We just want to have a drink and hang out for a while!"

The bartender shakes his head. "Nope. We don't serve conjunctions. You guys need to get out of here now. No ifs, ands, or buts."


Larimar

In that vein;
Two ropes walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve ropes here, get out!"
The ropes dejectedly leave the bar but then one rope turns to the other and says, "I've got a great idea, tie me together and pull apart my ends!"
The rope walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the rope I just told to get out?"
The rope says, "No sir, I'm a frayed knot."

[traductio]

Thanks for reviving this thread! I don't have any jokes, but my six-year-old has begun making terrible/excellent puns and explaining (with all the earnestness a six-year-old can muster), "That was a dad joke."

My heart swells with pride.

[ergative]

When I was little, a family joke would go:

Q: What goes 'ha ha ha thump'?
A: A man laughing his head off.

Five-year-old Ergative wanted to get in on the action, and reimagined it as follows:

Q: What goes 'ha ha ha thump'?
A: A man laughing his pumpkins off the table.

[FishProf]

A polar bear walks into a bar and says "Barkeep, I'll have a ......


.......


........ beer."

The barkeep says, "Why the big pause?"

The bear says, "I dunno, I was born with 'em".

[Cheerful]

I invested a lot of money into an origami business, but it folded.

[nonsensical]

I am confused because the title of this thread includes the phrase "bad puns," but I am looking around and I only see glorious, amazing puns. What is this "bad puns" of which you speak?

Here is one of my favorite jokes of all time:
Where did George Washington put his armies?
In his sleevies.

Here's one that I read recently in a novel as, I think, an example to illustrate that the character doesn't tell good jokes. But this joke is also glorious:
What do you call twins before they are born?
Womb mates!

[fishbrains]

From the comment area on a bad YouTube video:

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!

[mahagonny]

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.The bartender says 'sure...olive or twist?'

[clean]

This one was on TV this week:

Who was the greatest footwear philosopher of all time?


Sockrates

[traductio]

I am confused because the title of this thread includes the phrase "bad puns," but I am looking around and I only see glorious, amazing puns. What is this "bad puns" of which you speak?

My very perceptive six-year-old explained to me, "All dad jokes are bad jokes, but bad is good, so they're really good bad jokes. Or good bad dad jokes." I mean, he's not wrong.

Here's his latest attempt -- two things are clear. He understands the structure of the joke, and scatological humor always works:

Six-year-old: Hey, dad, what do you get when you combine a poop and a toot?
Me (pre-emptively cringing): I don't know. What do you get when you combine a poop and a toot?
Six-year-old: A poot!

I'm not exactly sure what that means, but he might still be laughing, days later.