Why Parents Drink

[polly_mer]

I have to get work done this afternoon, so the very short list of starting the K-12 school year annoyances goes:

* Brand-new school building wasn't quite done when the K-12 school year started.  The choice was made to simply have every warm body who could be press-ganged into it (including the superintendent who was photographed by the local newspaper) move furniture and supplies during the two days leading up to the first day of school.  Thus, elementary school teachers started teaching in classrooms that had been empty of everything with less than a day to prepare.  Mr. Mer has been one of the parents helping sort out the elementary school library that is temporarily housed in a portable with expectation to move that library into the completed, permanent room sometime around Spring Break.

* A big benefit to being in an affluent community is the ability to go online in the summer, fill out a form that says "please buy all the class-appropriate school supplies for <student>; here's electronic payment", and have the box of school supplies be sitting at my child's desk on the first day of school.  Because of the brand-new school building, the student boxes were held at the shipping center until well after the first day of class.  Thus, the teachers were in mostly unorganized classrooms with a significant fraction of students having no supplies for the first several days of school.

* Blocky's box of supplies is very nice, probably nicer than what he would have gotten had I been in charge of ensuring he had supplies.  That box includes a fancy zippered 3-ring binder system of which I am now envious.  Mr. Mer casually mentioned on about Thursday that I probably want to help Blocky make the best use of his organizing system. 

Blocky and I spent more than an hour today sorting through Blocky's stuff to get him on the path to more likely success through not losing crap in a big wad at the bottom of a backpack.  I was astounded to learn that, despite having a big ol' binder system last year as part of learning how to be a good enough student, Blocky did not know he could:

• put the three-hole punched notebooks into the 3-ring binder part instead of squashing them into the backpack separately.  I was proud of how Blocky's face lit up on realizing he could put his three-hole punched printed week-at-a-glance planner in a place where it would stop being so beaten up.  So, yes, someone made them get planners and Blocky is using his, but the rest of the organizing is apparently more hit and miss.
  
  
• use a systematic approach to each folder like completed papers on the left, todo papers on the right, and three-hole-punched running reports in the binder-like middle so they are the first thing one sees upon opening the folder.
  
  
• put the folders and non-three-hole-punched notebooks in the expanding pocket designed to hold the folders and loose notebooks in the order he is likely to use them.  The idea that each folder/notebook could have its own place to live was mind blowing for a guy who had apparently just been stuffing those in the backpack separately as well.  In probably concrete evidence of a parenting failure, I had to push hard to get Blocky to try reorienting the folders/notebooks so they would slide easily into the expanding pocket and not stick out to prevent zipping.  Apparently, the existence of two different length edges for essentially rectangular objects did not enter into the reasoning; Blocky had tried once to get the folders in the pockets, failed because they stuck out, and then didn't try the other orientation.
  
  
  
• repackage all the things he was given and restock items that were duplicates now that his school supply box came in.  For example, apparently, Blocky was just going to cart around the wrapped sticky note block as a big block that doesn't fit into any of the pockets until I suggested splitting the block by color, putting the first color in a readily accessible pocket and putting the other colors in a less accessible spot for later.  Blocky had 3 identical pairs of scissors and only most of a set of colored pencils.
  
  
• consolidate the sticky notes for passwords, locker combinations, etc. into one place where he could then consult if necessary instead of having them randomly attached to whatever notebook/folder/supply bag Blocky had handy when someone handed him the sticky.  The idea of making a special place in, say, his planner seemed very new to Blocky, but he was receptive to the idea.
  
  

*During organization, we came up with a letter home that was already past due since we were supposed to have met with a teacher last week to touch base for the year.  We also came up with three homework assignments that were due on Monday.  Blocky has a homework folder, but they weren't in that.  Blocky has those assignments written in the planner, but apparently he doesn't consult that, either.  Have I mentioned yet that tomorrow is Day 8 of the new school year?

* Blocky, Mr. Mer, and I then spent another hour trying to figure out how to complete an assignment that was sent as homework.  This is sixth grade in a district where most high school graduates will not only go to college, but will be going to schools better than the state flagship.  Thus, it's time to start planning for college.  The assignment was to find the school pennant of the college one wishes to attend.  Blocky chose MIT, used pencil to properly spell Massachusetts, and then started coloring black from the corners before realizing he had a looming problem with black lettering on black background.  After much trying of various solutions, eventually we decided to duplicate the teacher's original template (I, too, can draw an isosceles triangle in Powerpoint and label it "College Pennant Template") and have Blocky be more strategic about his choices since MIT has a long history of pennants that includes just the letters MIT on a white background.

* Blocky has summarized today's lessons learned as:

• Always try it on scratch paper first.
  
  
• Ask for help organizing because the big clump at the bottom of the backpack is below suboptimal.
  
  
• Start early because people are going to get cranky and frustrated as each new "oh, yeah" comes to light.
  
  

* I'm just saying now if someone announces in the next month that science fair is mandatory for this grade, then I'm leading the concerned parents committee to get that requirement changed and I'm not above running for school board to do it.

[bioteacher]

Polly, the bad news is that grade 6 was the absolute worst grade for both my kids. The standards were unreasonable, the demands epic in scale, and the bruises deep. We had one team of teachers that required students to keep EVERY graded assignment for an entire 6 weeks, compile it at the end of that 6 weeks, generate a table of comments and other nonsense I have since blocked out. The purpose? So they could "reflect" on what they had done.

Except no one told the parents. No one considered that a kid with an IEP for organization was being "helped" at home by parents who went though his backpack and binders every night and promptly recycled everything that had been graded and returned. We were over 12 weeks into the year before someone informed us about this BS policy.  What 6th grade is going to reflect on homework worksheets photocopied and disturbed ad nauseam? What high schooler would, for that matter? Reasonable people see the grade was recorded and get rid of the excess paperwork so the backpack weighed less than a metric ton.

The good news is that every year before and after grade 6 was So Much Better. So just get though this one and you'll be smooth sailing once more*

*Based on my very scientific sample size of two. :-)

[polly_mer]

Thanks for the tip, Bioteacher.  I'm a filer, not a recycler, but it wouldn't have occurred to me that every single piece of paper would need to be kept for future reference, especially those really torn math sheets that look a lot like Blocky needs a lesson in how to either tear better from the workbook or use scissors.  My method as a student was to only keep a quarter to half inch of current enough paper for each subject and put the rest in the filing cabinet where it still takes up space decades later, but I've never looked at it again.

[backatit]

The college aged child has moved home, and apparently he is now a vampire. He was up and cooking something at 3am which woke the dogs, which woke us. This will take some adjustment, I think.

[citrine]

Nephew is about to start sixth grade (orientation on Tuesday; school year starts the day after Labor Day) and I am glad to hear these words of wisdom. Right now a lot of things about how he manages his executive function issues at school are on hold while we figure out what he's going to need to make middle school work, and I think the lack of knowledge is what's causing both of us the most anxiety. (I will go be That Parent if I have to, but I don't want to be That Parent unless I absolutely have to be. I only had to do it once in elementary school.)

[wellfleet]

The only thing that ever saved my middle schooler from horrid-pile-at-bottom-of-backpack hell was graduating to the high school where he uses his (school-issued, so everyone has one) chromebook for nearly everything.

We love that machine. We really do.

[polly_mer]

The only thing that ever saved my middle schooler from horrid-pile-at-bottom-of-backpack hell was graduating to the high school where he uses his (school-issued, so everyone has one) chromebook for nearly everything.

We love that machine. We really do.

The school-issued Chrome book has to stay at school.  Thus, we still work on a paper-based system, despite explicit instruction on Google docs and the internet.

[mouseman]

Thursday morning, we will be loading our vehicle, and driving the Mouselet to her LAC in the Northeast. We will be driving via Toronto, where the Catwoman's cousin, whose son is also starting college, lives. We will arrive in time to explore the area a bit, and she will move in a day earlier than the rest of the freshmen, because the recipients of her scholarship can move in a day early, and she will be having dinner with the other recipients and their faculty mentor.

There will be a "parental orientation", the point of which is, very obviously, to tear the more helicopter of the parents away from the kids while they have their own orientation, and then then we drive home, while the Mouselet starts the more personalized part of her colleges freshman orientation. They have a bunch of trips with different themes, and the Mouselet chose to do the one which involved hiking and trail maintenance. So we also have needed to buy a lot of hiking gear (she also wants to start hiking a lot), including shoes which did not fit and which will require a special trip to REI to exchange.

The Mouselet has been slowly (very slowly) packing, but has also been spending a large amount of her time in farewell parties and farewell tours of Chicagoland. I don't think that she has fully internalized that she will likely never be living in this house, in her own room, again - we're moving before the next break during which she will be "coming home" (we're spending TG in CA with my parents, and she's flying directly there). She is supposed to be packing up the stuff she's not taking to college as well, so that we can either store it or put it in the room that will be hers when she is home, but will otherwise be a guest room.

I was making plans for later this month, when it struck me that I do not have to take the Mouselet or the Mouselet's plans into consideration. It was a very weird feeling, and, to be honest, it was not entirely a pleasant feeling. I'm really not ready for this

On the up side, last night, the two of use (the Mouselet and I) spent a few hours just chatting about this and that, just because she wanted to talk to me. She has also become a lot more affectionate and physical with us. She is also, despite being scared and sad about leaving, extremely excited about starting college, and can't wait to start.

Oh, just to add to the fun, at her last local dentist appointment, she was told that her wisdom teeth need to come out, and as soon as feasible. So she had all four removed last Thursday. She still attended some goodbye parties, albeit low-key ones, since almost everybody is gone. Luckily she heals really fast and most of the swelling has subsided (it's only been 3 days), and she can even chew a bit. By the time we leave for college, she should be fine (though no crunchy food or food with hard seeds for a few weeks). A plus is that she not longer has to worry about her wisdom teeth during college or afterwards.

I will likely be drinking more next week when we get back here.

[irhack]

IRboy starts high school next week. For reasons unclear to me, our high school courses run on ten-day loops. One Tuesday is not the same as another Tuesday. Also for unclear reasons, most of the ten days stop and start at times that differ from one day to the next, usually within 5-10 minutes but sometimes an hour. Monday might start at 8:00 and end at 2:30 and Tuesday will start at 8:10 and end at 2:40. The times are listed in a separate document from the class schedule. His schedule of a ten day rotation of classes does not have any times on it. You have to hold it next to a pdf showing the times to know where you need to be at a given hour.

Did I mention IRson's excutive funtioning is very, very low?

I've only been half paying attention because I assume my responsibilities start and end with getting him to the bus stop in the morning - he will have to take it from there. But to that end, we've received no information on when and where the bus will be. I paid $400 in March for him to ride it, and the first day of school is next week, and I have no idea where my money went.

(Now the school wants another $400 for IRgirl to take music lessons and I'm just going to hold off on giving them any more money right now.)

[backatit]

Found out today that the college son did not register for one of his classes and did not make the waitlist. ARGH. What could have been easily straightened out had he been more proactive has become a big headache, but I will not let it become so for ME. That is for him to sort out, and if it takes him an extra semester to work and pay for, sobeit. But ARGH! He thought he'd been waitlisted but there was a snafu with a pre-req (which he had, but which the registrar did not think he had, so it was a really...easy...fix...argh!!!!).

Anyway, he also didn't get a dorm or an apartment arranged this year, so he has to commute. That should get old fast, and again, is not my problem. Until something happens to his car, and I am going in the same direction...

[bioteacher]

SPADFY. it applies to kids, too. I am organized. Highly organized. I can organize anything. The kids got dad's genes, not mine, in that area. Uncontrolled chaos it not an understatement.

Bioson figured out in grade 8 or so that his life was better if he didn't use his locker. He carried everything with him all day long, including his winter coat. We got him the jumbo sized top-load backpack at Target and crossed our fingers. It worked for him. With the way the high school campus is set up, 3 buildings, students moving between them... Bioette has followed this pattern. Her locker is, in theory, located near her last class of the day. She finds it easier to carry everything with her, violin included.

As faculty, we were good students and likely excelled in all things academic. Our kids may not have those traits. I have to remind myself of that now and then. Eye on the prize, parents: are they getting passing grades? Are they getting enough sleep to function? Are you still on speaking terms most of time? If yes, keep doing what you are doing. Even if, especially if, their way of doing this school thing is different than yours.

Do you know how hard it is for me to NOT check and double check that Bioette is ready for her first day tomorrow? For all I know, her backpack still has stuff in it from last year. This is not my problem. It's her problem. It might be my problem tomorrow night when she's in tears of exhaustion that she can't find XY or Z, at which point I'll be scarfing up all chocolate in sight and biting my tongue until it bleeds.....

[wellfleet]

Wellkid is also anti-locker, which occasionally means hauling everything on the 30+ minute walk home. Whatever. It works for him.

[polly_mer]

I'm highly organized and carried everything for years in a duffel all day (6 AM to 10 PM) because my schedule was stupid and out of my hands.

[kaysixteen]

Random thoughts...

1.  What has this country come to when parents have to pay for school bus access?  What happens to kids whose families can't pay?
2.  How much money did the prepaid box of school supplies cost?  How much do you wanna bet you could have bought equivalent supplies of at least equal quality at Wal-Mart or some such venue for a wee bit of effort and much less dough?  Is this setup not really just another fundraising effort parents are being asked to shell out to help privatize the cost of ostensibly public education?
3. Of course, many of these supplies used to just be bought for kids, especially pre high school aged ones, by the schools.  More defunding of public schools.
4. Do 6th graders, even in affluent districts, really need to even be considering where to go to college, let alone forced to haul around heavy backpacks full of books?  The problem of executive function deficits in many of these kids is often heavily influenced by making kids do too much serious academic planning type stuff too soon, especially with boys who are just on the cusp of adolescence.
5. What would possibly be the legitimate rationale for having a high school daily schedule that sees the school day start and end at different times?  What good could come of this?

[mamselle]

To the last point: my local middle school, where I subbed in rotation with other schools in the district, had something like this.

The kids and regular teachers did, sort of, seem to "get it" by Thanksgiving.

I never did. There were lettered days and numbered days, and some distribution of the one over the other, but it never neverever never did make sense to me. I don't yet see the point (and 2 of my music students will be going there this year, I hear...) but that's what they do.

Cui bono?

Dunno.

M.