Why Parents Drink

[polly_mer]

2. My employer values my time at $250/h and the nearest Wal-Mart is a two-hour round trip in just travel if the road is open.  The box is a convenience for which I am willing to pay and good on the school for fundraising on something worth having.  Our state takes the local taxes and redistributes them through the whole state.  Thus, we subsidize the state and then write big checks to support the local school district to get the education for our kids we want.

4.  We are a college-focused town since the majority of the adults have graduate degrees in specific STEM fields.  People who don't start the math foundation in middle school seldom catch up.  Other aspects can wait, but not the math.  Thus, discussing the plan now is encouraged to put enough effort into math to be competitive for the good programs.  "Losers" go to the state flagship; many of the parents in town went to elite institutions from modest beginnings by taking education seriously starting in middle school at the latest.

[kaysixteen]

5.  Some kids will eventually get the flex times schedule, but any kid with any executive function difficulties will have real difficulties, let alone kids with more significant LD issues or who's on the spectrum.

4. I get that affluent scientists may want their 6th graders to start planning to get into MIT, etc, but many kids that age, especially boys, just ain't ready to do that yet, irrespective of their IQs or general long-term educational potential.  What happens to a kid like that in this sort of environment?

2.  I take it you acknowledge that the prepaid supplies box is more expensive than what you could buy for yourself, either in person or online.  It's good that you don't mind paying more to help underwrite the schools.  What about those who don't make 250 bucks an hour, however?

[polly_mer]

4. I get that affluent scientists may want their 6th graders to start planning to get into MIT, etc, but many kids that age, especially boys, just ain't ready to do that yet, irrespective of their IQs or general long-term educational potential.  What happens to a kid like that in this sort of environment?

We have people making the 2 hour or more daily commutes to live in other districts because that school is a better fit for their kids, among other reasons having to do with a different living environment.

2.  I take it you acknowledge that the prepaid supplies box is more expensive than what you could buy for yourself, either in person or online.  It's good that you don't mind paying more to help underwrite the schools.  What about those who don't make 250 bucks an hour, however?

The boxes are not mandatory purchases.  However, the median household income here is almost twice the U.S. median household income (i.e., my family is unusual in having only one income when many families have two affluent scientist incomes)  The district doesn't participate in the national school lunch program because the extra rules for almost no money when we only have a 5% poverty rate is a bad trade.

Money is easier to come by than time for most parents here.  One of my co-workers was sure she could save money by doing the shopping herself.  Again, her time cost so much more than any savings. 

My employer collected almost a thousand filled backpacks and ten thousand dollars to distribute to other school districts in the state to help our very poor state stretch education dollars because we as a community care so much about  education and have extra money.

[sylvie]

I've come to the depressing conclusion that I either have to micromanage my kids' homework and chores (making sure they do what they're supposed to do when they get home, that they're doing their homework correctly, that their rooms are clean and backpacks organized, etc.) or my husband is going to do it, and when he does it, everyone is miserable. So I have to put time and attention into this, even though I am much busier than my husband (he is not an academic and works part-time from home) and even though it goes against some of my parenting beliefs (I tend to be a little more hands-off). However, if I don't actively monitor the kids (ages 7 and 10), all hell breaks loose, with my husband yelling at somebody about something.

At this point it's not worth trying to argue or settle. We are too deeply entrenched. I don't have the time or energy to either change or leave my husband, an overall we get along well and he's a great dad. It's just that school evenings, four evenings a week, are hell, and I've come to realize that I'm not going to get anything done on those nights, at least not until the kids go to bed.

[irhack]

I think the starting and stopping at different times could be learned if it was on a weekly rotation. I don't know how I will keep track of a ten day rotation. I guess it could be worse, it could be 8 days or something else that doesn't correspond to a week.

Our district once tried the prepaid box of school supplies thing, it was optional but I think it was a fundraiser of some sort. In our case though, the quality was subpar, and it turned out the company doing the boxes had ties to some extremely conservative Christian group that made public homophobic statements, so the experiment was quickly discontinued.

[polly_mer]

I'm going to take another whack at this one.

4. I get that affluent scientists may want their 6th graders to start planning to get into MIT, etc, but many kids that age, especially boys, just ain't ready to do that yet, irrespective of their IQs or general long-term educational potential.  What happens to a kid like that in this sort of environment?

I posted initially with my frustration with one arts and crafts assignment where my kid didn't plan ahead well enough and apparently English class just handed it out and assumed the kids would apply their art lesson knowledge to plan it.

One reason people do choose to live here is 6th grade is still in the elementary school, where the students get multiple recesses a day.  As a community, we donate money and the school then still has art, music, theater, library, journalism including radio broadcast (yes, in elementary), Spanish and a couple other language clubs, and other fabulous things that make a good life, but have been cut from many resource-strapped districts.

The community sends a non-zero number of HS graduates to MIT/Caltech/Stanford-level elite institutions every year, but we also send a non-zero number of HS graduates to Julliard/Berklee-level elite performing and other art institutions.  We have a non-zero number of HS graduates who go to S(elective)LACs as well as HYP.  The graduation section of the local paper tends to have several dozen students who graduated HS and earned a useful career certificate (e.g., EMT/nursing/fire fighting) from the CC that is literally across the street from the HS.  We send a non-zero number of HS graduates every year to the military and frequently someone goes to a military academy for college. 

I joke about the "losers" going to the state flagship, but we do have plenty of recent HS graduates who go to one of the research universities in the state (AKA good enough colleges that are reasonably priced) as well as good enough colleges in neighboring states that have reciprocity and thus also are reasonably priced.  These aren't literal losers and would be the top students in most other districts in the state.  Mr. Mer is an alum of the state flagship so it would be fine for Blocky to go there.

We also have a fair number of HS graduates who start their own or join start-ups as a good next step right after HS.  My employer does HS internships and then hires as technicians/clerks local people right out of HS and then later pays for college and even grad school for those who want to go and will stay employed.  We're just as short on good clerks in the back office as we are on scientists so we need all kinds and do pay for additional education for certificates at a local specialized CC programs as well as associate/bachelor/master/PhD degrees..  Thinking particularly about my kid, Blocky is much more likely to be in the start-up/intern category or military category than going to college right away, let alone MIT at 17.  However, I saw no need to say at this juncture, "You aren't aiming for MIT, kid.  Pick out my alma mater", especially considering that my alma mater has a fancy seal that would be much harder to draw over three letters on a white background.

This particular community also has a large homeschooling contingent (mostly for that flexibility in exploring interests that aren't within the classroom) as well as a couple Montessori schools.  A group of parents is currently standing up a charter school in part because they want a different mix of elementary instructional time.  People do, though, live 100+ miles away to enroll their kids in an excellent private school in a true urban region or live an hour away for good enough public schools in a more diverse environment closer to shops and restaurants with somewhat cheaper housing.

However, my family lives in this community in large part because within rounding of all the students are literate, numerate, and on a good path to something as an adult.  One reason my family lives on one income is to provide enough free time for Blocky to explore his own interests at home while Mr. Mer is around to provide a little physical safety and feedback as part of bouncing around ideas.  I had a similar upbringing and, hey look, I have the same job as my colleagues without a death-march-for-academic-excellence-starting-at-birth.  Currently, Blocky has decided for himself to learn Python and is doing the research on what kind of computer we will get him for Christmas so Blocky can do more with his interest in game design.  The game engines are so good now and practically free so that's actually a reasonable hobby for an 11-year-old.

Very big picture: having friends who are going places and the occasional summer camp with other kids who are going places means Blocky already has started building his network of people who will contact him with middle-class-income-interesting-enough job openings as well as being able to put out word himself that he's looking and probably get something interesting above minimum wage.  Having that network will make Blocky's adult life easier if he continues to float along as a bright enough, pleasant enough guy who isn't great at organization and seldom leads anything, but is a good enough team player in the group.

[sylvie]

Very big picture: having friends who are going places and the occasional summer camp with other kids who are going places means Blocky already has started building his network of people who will contact him with middle-class-income-interesting-enough job openings as well as being able to put out word himself that he's looking and probably get something interesting above minimum wage.  Having that network will make Blocky's adult life easier if he continues to float along as a bright enough, pleasant enough guy who isn't great at organization and seldom leads anything, but is a good enough team player in the group.

This is why the disadvantage of being a first-generation college student can't be overstated. I am a first-generation academic, and STILL feel this lack in my life. (By the way, I'm making sure my kids have the above advantages as well).

[irhack]

This is why the disadvantage of being a first-generation college student can't be overstated. I am a first-generation academic, and STILL feel this lack in my life. (By the way, I'm making sure my kids have the above advantages as well).

I'm in the same boat and Polly's post made my head spin, but it's clear the other families in our school district are operating on those terms. They're just totally unfamiliar to me.

[spork]

Disclaimer: no children of my own.

The story of the organizer and the MIT pennant assignment made me chuckle so here's this as a reward: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JTIfB8mHEY (unfortunately I get an annoying pink Barbie ad when I click on this link).

Very big picture: having friends who are going places and the occasional summer camp with other kids who are going places means Blocky already has started building his network of people who will contact him with middle-class-income-interesting-enough job openings as well as being able to put out word himself that he's looking and probably get something interesting above minimum wage.  Having that network will make Blocky's adult life easier if he continues to float along as a bright enough, pleasant enough guy who isn't great at organization and seldom leads anything, but is a good enough team player in the group.

This is why the disadvantage of being a first-generation college student can't be overstated. I am a first-generation academic, and STILL feel this lack in my life. (By the way, I'm making sure my kids have the above advantages as well).

Same here -- was a first gen college student, from a rural area where hardly anyone went to college of any sort. The most frequently chosen career paths were working in a low-tech, dangerous industry that no longer exists, the military, or prison (as an inmate). No organized summer camps or private music lessons. The public school system was adequate -- but only if one had parents who thought college was a worthwhile option. And it was a real shocker to start college by encountering people who had attended Bronx High School of Science, already had a couple of years of calculus under their belts, etc. It was really a love of reading, a habit I picked up from my parents, that pulled me through.

Today I encounter college students from poor backgrounds and crummy public schools who have delusions about medical school, despite math proficiency capping out at pre-algebra and perhaps a 10th grade reading level. While anything is possible, in practical terms they've missed the bus and will never be able to catch up.

[polly_mer]

I'm in the same boat and Polly's post made my head spin, but it's clear the other families in our school district are operating on those terms. They're just totally unfamiliar to me.

Knowing all the rules and how to be positioned to be the best qualified for the upcoming whatever is another huge disadvantage for those of us who didn't grow up with parents who could acculturate us.

As many frequent readers know, I love Cal Newport's advice to students, particularly to get out of the mindset of trying to win at misery poker (http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2008/11/05/do-you-play-misery-poker-or-quack/) or that somehow the person with the longest list of checkbox busy work is really winning at life (http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2010/03/26/how-to-get-into-stanford-with-bs-on-your-transcript-failed-simulations-the-surprising-psychology-of-impressiveness/).

Yes, there are open calls for which one has to be competitive.  However, there are far more good enough opportunities where people start by asking friends and colleagues to an interesting activity and then perhaps ask others to work their networks followed by an open call only if a true need is identified and the best way to get someone qualified is the open call.

Even proposals that are open to everyone tend to go much more smoothly when one knows whether the gatekeepers are truly bouncing proposals for minor formatting without ever reading or whether the bar is a good idea where the winners are going to be those who submit a "first" proposal that has already been polished through several rounds of revisions with people who frequently serve as the reviewers.

[polly_mer]

I read https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/9/6/20851349/back-to-school-shopping-supply-digital-target-walmart-teacherlists and thought of kaysixteen's questions on this thread.

One particularly interesting tidbit from the Vox article was

According to data shared by marketing intelligence firm MiQ, American shoppers make around 16 trips to stores for back-to-school stuff between July and September, and they spend over $500 per family.

Blocky's school supply box was nowhere near $500 and it took Mr. Mer under 5 minutes to log in, check the box, and click through the payment screens.  Even adding a few new school clothes to replace old ones through online shopping is another half hour and far less than a total of $500.

[familydoc]

Why I am drinking tonight:

The loft bed "kits" provided in the Freshman dorm. I won't got into the details, but in sum: 5 HOURS to assemble.

There is not enough booze in this hotel room tonight.

[mamselle]

Consolatio, maybe: at least you don't have to climb up and sleep in it?

M.

[mouseman]

Why I am drinking tonight:

The loft bed "kits" provided in the Freshman dorm. I won't got into the details, but in sum: 5 HOURS to assemble.

There is not enough booze in this hotel room tonight.

The Mouselet was thinking of lofting her bed, but decided against it. We did raise her bed to the highest level that did not require lofting. In her dorms, though, they have people who know how to do it, so parents and students do not have to deal with it. It takes them 1/2 an hour or so.

[citrine]

I let Nephew have a slumber party for his 11th birthday. "I don't want to leave out any of my friends!" he said.

We had eight children at one point in the evening (not all of them chose to sleep over).

Glad birthdays only happen once a year...